Love’s Labor

Hey sexy how are you? I miss you so much. I let a good man get away. I am sorry. Sorry I was so caught up in a rapture called lust I was blindsided and let you slip through my heart. How could I let you go? I know I have lost you. I want you back but first I have to get right with myself. Love for me has always been painful. I have only truly loved twice in my life and lost both times. It was devastating. Letting someone in is so hard for me. I get scared like if you really knew me then you would not love me. Always feeling like the more you know the less you will want to know me. More importantly I know I cannot love you with loving myself first. So love I am getting myself together. Working on the woman I am destined to be. Knowing the woman I am is destined for greatness. I am at my worst and I want to be at my best. Happiness has always evaded me pain has served as much needed company. I know it is sad but it is painfully true. Falling in love is scary as hell for me I have been avoiding it like the plague. I wanted you but felt unworthy of you for I know that commitment is scary to me. Allowing my guard to be down conjures up feelings of fear and resentment for me. Fear for being happy and resentment at myself for not letting a good man in. Nice guys finish last because women refuse to put themselves first. You are royalty to me my king and I feel like a mere peasant in your presence. Love for me even at its best has always been conditional never pure like the love you offered me. You had such admiration and respect for me without really knowing me. Others have made me feel I have to earn such accolades. When I give praise to them without any hesitation. I have loved others more than myself so love leaves me baffled and confused at times. I am sorry love for ever doubting you. You are a good guy a rare find. I feel blessed to have met you and pray when I am the great woman that I know I am inside that we will meet again. I pray for a second chance each time I see you my love. But the thought of rejection scares me and paralyzes my lips when I see you. There is so much hidden behind these almond eyes of mine. My eyes are always saying what my lips refuses to say. I miss you.

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