Ties That Bind

Freaky Friday: People often ask me why am I single and often I want to ask them why aren’t you? Why are you in a relationship? Do any of you know those people who are notorious for being serial monogamists? It is like they are afraid to be by themselves. Like five minutes alone would make them stir crazy. Have they even considered the concept of being single? Let’s be honest single people have time to ponder being in a relationship from time to time. But the question is do those people who are involved have time to contemplate why they are in a relationship? It seems like an obvious question but most of us would not dare ask it not even among ourselves. He stays out all night, you suspect he is cheating, and he barely helps with the bills yet you want to inquire about why I don’t have a man. I want to ask you my dear sister why are you putting up with his nonsense. Or, guys she barely talks to you, nags all the time, and stripping your pockets yet you stay down for her. Even through the fire, fighting all the time and you still stay. Why?

No one ever thinks to ask the committed person why are you committed? Why are you involved? Granted there are some perks to being in a relationship like guaranteed sex, unless you are in one of those situations where you have to schedule first. In that case it sucks to be you. Is love truly the tie that binds you two together? Or is it really a matter of convenience? Maybe she cooks, gives it to you when you like, and cater to your every need but there are those other things that nag the hell out of you like not being able to hold a conversation without a mean scowl and a fight ensuing. Here’s another scenario, the sex is good but he doesn’t have shit else to show for himself. There needs to be benefits within the walls of these relationships. Otherwise remaining in them is as hopeless as a penny with a hole in it.

Sometimes I think we are afraid of being by ourselves it is the single curse that we do not want to be plagued with. Single for many people is synonymous alone, desolate, and lonely. As if single people just sit by the phone praying for the phone to ring. It is not that bad being single. I will admit to you we have our moments where we long to be held and supported. For the most part we are happy even in those dry spell moments.  No sense in enduring time and tears on a wasteful relationship just for the sake of saying you belong to someone. Belong to you first then you can share yourself with someone else. Stop staying in these meaningless relationships. You don’t love them so just leave them. I know easier said than done.

I have done my time in relationship wasteland so I know how tears and years can be wasted. Do not sell yourself short. Invest in you and your needs. How is this relationship benefitting you? Is it truly worth your blood, sweat, and tears? This is where you need to sit down and do a list of pros and cons. Prayerfully the good will outweigh the bad and you can go on as you were to live happily ever after. If not then it is time to let the ship sail. As a wise Reverend Run said “Letting go doesn’t always mean giving up, it’s just having enough wisdom to know some things can’t be.”


6 thoughts on “Ties That Bind

  1. This is such a great topic.

    I know quite a few people who seem incapable of being single. It seems sad to me for a person to be so over dependent on companionship. Where is the ‘me’ time? Where is the reflection time? When and how are you able to get to know yourself if you are always involved in a relationship and placing your attention and effort into someone else?

    It’s even less healthy when the relationship is based on nothing more than convenience. Is being single really that bad? I definitely don’t think so. Sure it isn’t the best thing in the world…but it trumps a meaningless relationship any day of the week in my book.

    Once again great topic!

  2. I know a few of my female friends that this applies to. They are scared to be alone and are hung up on a title. They feel less of a woman if nobody wants them or tells them they are desired. So, they will put up with almost anything to keep a man. Its sad. That love needs to come from within first. If you don’t love yourself enough you can’t expect anyone else to.

  3. A very good topic. I’ve been single and loved it and been in a relationship and loved it. Happiness comes from within. If your not happy with yourself you’ll never be happy with anyone else. Now I’m married and wouldn’t give that up for all the money in the world not because I feel like I need him but I feel like he completes me. I know allot of women who can’t be alone that’s because they have issues with themselves. I completely agree with you on the pro’s and cons things. And if the cons out way the pro’s then yes you should leave but again if your the type of person that needs to be in a relationship or if you are just in LOVE with the person you tend not to look at the cons only the pros so it’s really hard for them to leave. I say love you first then when you meet someone and they see how much you love and respect yourself they’ll feel obligated to do the same.


    • The problem is often we do not feel completion within ourselves. We are looking for love on the outside versus looking within. Love yourself first. We always long for what we may not need. It is nice to have a man but it is better to have a good man who loves and supports both of you in your goals. One yaself!

      • When I say he completes me I don’t mean it as I feel incomplete with out him I mean for example – with the kids I’m a softy so they might get away with murder but he has my back and that’s not going to happen. If I want to buy somthing but he knows 1 we can’t afford it and 2 we don’t need it. With out him I might have made an unwise decsion. My husband is not only my lover but my best friend one I know has my back and best interest regardless. Don’t get me wrong things are not paradise but in my situation the pro far out way the cons.

  4. Pingback: 2010 in review « Loverzquarrel's Blog

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