Big Man on Campus

I have been thinking a lot lately about why I haven’t met my soulmate yet. Some random things have been occuring that lead me to believe he is in hiding. I am the kind of girl that feels more comfortable around the opposite sex. This can be a gift and a curse lately it has been a curse.  Either you are the friend or their sister.

There is this guy I know very popular big man on campus. We hang out and kick it all the time. We have amazing chemistry although sometimes I feel it flows one way. You ever been with someone that you know likes you but is denying it. I mean not on any delusional stuff I mean you spend time together and talk for hours. He calls on you for whatever and vice versa. But he builds up a wall afraid to let you in. This really bothers me and sometimes I think it has to do with society and how so many of us want to fit in. Sometimes to the point where we allow true love slip away in the name of popularity. We fit in to the point where we isolate our love.

I want to scream at him sometimes but I digress. If he is going to be foolish enough to allow his connection to be broken then that is his loss. Yet I keep running into situations like this where I get branded the friend or the sister never the girlfriend. I wonder if he is oblivious to the fact I have potential or maybe he just not checking for me and I need to move on. I will admit insecurity will slip in when thrown in either the sister of friend category and I have to check the mirror because I am questioning is beauty synonymous with me.

Years ago there was a guy who was a star athlete who used to come up to my locker and we would talk and every now and then he walked me to class. When it came time for SATs he came and got me to take them. He would come to my school and stop by my room to see me and talk. Now maybe I am wrong but aren’t these are the signs of infautation. It bothered me so much I liked him but he would never amit aloud liking me. It was to the point where guys he hung with would call me ugly and throw empty juice containers at me from across the street and he wouldn’t say a word. I felt like he should have defended me.

It hurts to have someone like you on the down low. You don’t have to admit on Facebook but just tell that person. Stop hiding them in the closet. It hurts when you know someone likes you but won’t aadmit it because you are not a model chic. We need to stop looking for perfection when we are far from it. How audacious of you to rank someone below your level who completely accepts you flaws and all. Be wise in your choice of a mate. Now don’t get me worng you have to be attracted to them otherwise it won’t work. Just don’t get obsessed with looks. Don’t become so dilluted your blinded and cannot see their inner beauty shining.

It is like when I first had my daughter and my daughter’s father would deny me always saying how he was drunk when we had her. That really stung and made me feel that since he was so big time that I was somehow beneath him. I felt hurt that he would go there when he knew I always struggled with my looks. Sometimes the people closest to you want to hurt you the most.


2 thoughts on “Big Man on Campus

  1. Very interesting post.

    With the first situation the guy probably does have some type of feelings for you, but it may not want to risk the friendship that you two have. Or maybe he isn’t aware that you feel the same way he does. Not every guy is willing to take that leap and let a girl know that he really likes her…especially if that girl is a good friend. Imagine if you didn’t like him and he came to you and spilled his guts about how he felt. It would likely change your friendship. It’s possible that he doesn’t want to take the chance of ruining what you two currently have.

    In the second situation it’s just men being immature and not willing to step away from the crowd. Like you said they are considered big men on campus. That’s a title and it comes with a perceived role. If they perceive that their crowd won’t accept you they will not step out of bounds to make you a part of their crew. They will likely ignore you because they value the current role they are in. It’s sad that some people rely so heavily on other perception of them. It’s hard to see someone reject you. But you should also realize that they are and will likely continue to put themselves before you. What kind of friend is that?

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