Hello there Loverz Quarrel audience I am starting a series on dating with children. I will touch on the different aspects of dating with children. Such as fathers who date, or mothers who find the father becomes an absentee father when the significant other comes into play. The first topic I will touch on is Single Mothers with more than one child and their complicated dating lives.
As many of you may know I am a single parent and find dating to at often times be an arduous task. Repeatedly, I have thrown in the towel and got out of the ring altogether. Yet my hope in love stops me from giving up altogether in addition to the fact I have never been a quitter I taught myself to push through it all. I had the pleasure of speaking to different mothers all of which had 2 or more children. They helped me with this series a lot their feedback was enlightening and profound. Thank you ladies!
Through my research and my own experience that men find our children to be intimidating. Sometimes it can be their age or their mere presence. One mother I interviewed due to he children ages men tend to back off. She has very young children and an excellent relationship with their father. They are often intimidated by the fact she and her kids’ father get along. Insecurity sets in and they feel they cannot get comfortable for she will want her kids’ father back. Another scenario is the “Superman Syndrome” oh let me swoop down and help this poor woman with her kids. For they are so desperate and desolate whatever will they do without you. Knock it off we are not charity cases we want but don’t need you. We want love not pity.
Another we don’t expect to fill his shoes for some of us he is still very much a present part of their lives or in my case he is not but I am not trying to replace him. Men I need to know why you are so intimidated by our kids. I understand dating a woman with children is quite a feat for she is a packaged deal. But voice your concerns with us prior to meeting our children. Actually let me correct that collectively we should sit down and discuss any questions or concerns either of us have.
By the way ladies stop it already introducing men to your children before either of them is ready. You should sit down with both parties before they physically meet. What if he is not ready and then bails after meeting them? Or, what if the kids don’t like him? Kids can rebel in this type of situation be so confused by it all and start slipping in school, or their behavior gets more aggressive.
In addition do not become an absentee father because your child’s mother has someone in her life. The child loses as do you. My daughter’s father stepped out of her life when he found out I did no longer wanted a relationship with him. My daughter has been cheated out of a father for nine years now. When you become an absentee parent it confuses the child and makes him/her think distorted thoughts. Like the new person pushed you out. Or, they blame themselves for your disappearing act.
Let us all remember Parent=first, Single=second. The child takes priority which all who are involved should be mindful of this fact. At the end of the day forget your feelings and think about how your emotional impulsiveness impacts the children. Remember matters of the heart take a backseat to the needs of a child.