Breaking Point

Every woman has a breaking point and I have finally reched mine. Dating is not for me anymore. Either I have the worst timing o it is not meant for me to be in a relationship. He never wants to commit to me yet he leaves and commits to someone else. Why her and not me?

Case in point I met a guy years ago we fell out of touch. We touch base and he has been on my mind like crazy. Yet there is a disconnect somewhere when he comes over it seems like my company is not enough. He seems dissatisfied with the way our time is spent. Deep ddeep down I know he wants to just smash and pass. Yet I ty to convince myself otherwise. Silly girl he is exactly who he says heis. But I really like him he has pursued me for years finally I took the bait.

Now I will be the first to say my background is not sqqueaky clean. I am not a good girl like everyone thinks. I have made mistakes done some hings I am not proud of. I can pray for forgiveness but my fellow man would not forgive me. I pigeonholed myself and now  am trapped in a concotion I created. Men think all I want is sex becaue in the past that wa my playing card. Whip it on him then move along, smash andd pass was a nice pasttime.

I want so badly to change the error of my ways but that past haunts me and won’t let me rest. Gave up sex in the name of finding myself yet everyday on this journey I feel more alone than alive.

Why can’t I find contention in singlehood? Why do I NEED A MAN? i want to love you more than I want to love me. Sad state of affairs. I need to connect with the woman I am to prevent myself from becoming more of a mess than who I was. I am drowning in despair and my heart aches to be loved.

Have you ever been the woman who needs a man? Instead of strivin to be the woman he needs. Share your thoughts below.


One thought on “Breaking Point

  1. Think you sort of answered your own question. This is the world we living in. Its like me complaining that the sky is blue or water is wet. That isn’t the fight to win, the fight to try and win is within ourself every time we make emotional or impulsive decisions that have long lasting ramifications. Change is possible but it isn’t easy, and forgiveness is relative anyway. Who they think they need forgiveness from anyway. They need forgiveness from themselves first. Most reformed whores never even get that far.

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