Is singlehood a miserable place? Is single synonymous with misery? A lot of my girlfriends are married or otherwise engaged. I have been single for five years and at this point in my life I am content with being single. I will admit for the first part of the five years I threw myself into school and focused solely on my education.
But once I withdrew from school to job scheduling conflicts I started to wallow in my own misery and long for a companion but not in a healthy way. I felt like I needed someone badly more than I need my sanity. So I immersed my self in to several long-term non-committed relationships. Gave years and tears here and there to various men. I basically auctioned off my mind, body, and soul to the highest bidder. Misery and I made strange bedfellows. For the fact was I was giving my love away and hurting inside because I did not love me enough to say I deserved better than to be bench. I was the MVP of the non-committed Hall of Fame.
I remember I was dealing with someone who had a baby on me and did not tell me for three years. I gave this man so much of me and he trampled all over it. If I was in dire straits he would nonchalantly walk away. See because giving up the cookie doesn’t mean you will get shit in return. On from him I dated a much older man who matched me intellectually yet he lack sensitivity. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when he came to my apartment and I was getting dressed ready to go out the door yet he stopped me demanding sex. I refused I was on a time constraint and besides my daughter was wide awake in the next room. It just wasn’t the right time well he was adamant we were going to have sex. So much so he forced me to the bed and started choking me. I became scared and started screaming my daughter charged in and began hitting him about the head. I was so upset and so was she. Another trauma etched in her memory bank. My only fault in the situation was lying to her I told her we were just playing around and he wasn’t trying to hurt me. He even promised her a toy.
Too many times I have chosen to settle and each time it costs my daughter and I every time. I have to stop being so selfish with my love. I need to be selfless with myself. Stop being content with being sidelined. Contention has become the institution for where I am imprisoned. So singlehood for most of my five years of liberation has been miserable. It has been because I have not been focused on my star player. Me.
Misery will find you if you are not careful. Look at singlehood as a chance to connect with who you are and focus on what it is that you want out of life. The focal point should always be you and your happiness. Do not allow your comfort zone to become your prison.
For years I was content with being the chic on the side. Never making a move to advocate for myself and fight for the number one spot. I was often a punk sitting back playing the passive-aggressive role. For the first life the issues I am dealing with have nothing to do with any man. I am not stressed over whether or not I am good enough. I keep reminding myself I am working on me, myself, and I.
Having you ever been single and miserable? Have you ever felt like singlehood was your pit of despair? Share your thoughts below.