In life we have to have a purpose in order to live. Writing has been my purpose for a while now but it still feels like something is missing. I have been to college twice and still no degree I keep allowing life’s pitfalls to get in my way. So today I decided to take a proactive step in furthering my career. I am going back to school and will not stop until I have a degree in hand.
The woman I want my daughter to be I have to be. This degree is bigger than me bigger than us. It is time I have gotten too comfortable. It is time to challenge myself. Take my journey to higher heights. It is so easy to get used to being average it takes skill and discipline to be great. Average is not enough for me and that is why I struggle with the mundane tediousness of my day to day. My mind is not being challenged and it is killing me slowly. As I stated in a previous post mental stimulation is my sustenance. It is what I feed off of.
Getting to the top requires a degree there is no way around it. I was talking to a co-worker of mine and she was saying how she struggled to get to her position without a degree it took years and a lot of patience. Patience is a virtue I am working to possess. In this get rich or die trying society I want it now. I truly feel my degree will close one chapter of my journey. I am an intelligent and talented woman and I do not want the fruit of my labor to spoil in contention.
In my eyes dream big or do not dream at all. The greatest have made because they were undaunted and only feared failure and not success. They knew they wanted greatness and nothing stood in their way. Having a baby should not have stopped me, withdrawing from school because my schedule conflicted should not have stopped me, and paying back a student loan which I should have place in deferment should not stop me. To hell with everything else I have tunnel vision on just focus on school. When I went back to school this second time I was so focused and let me brag a little I maintained a 4.0 made the Dean’s list and was inducted in the Phi Theta Kappa International Honor Society. I did all this despite going back and forth to court battling with a former paramour regarding a domestic violence situation.
I was dealing with a lot of pain and I managed to persevere which tells me I can make it through anything that life throws me. It teaches me I can and need to survive. I cannot allow minor setbacks to take me off my course completely. That is what I have allowed to happen and why I am in the state I am presently. I have been finding comfort in the average zone. Dreams really do come true and it is not a fantasy you have to believe.
Many times when I do my open mic performances I am worried if the host thinks I am good enough. I question whether I am deep enough. Does the audience feel my pain, sorrow, hurt, or happiness? It all comes back to believing in me. I am great and it is time I found that out for myself. I truly believe in me and my talents. I owe it to myself to prove I am worthy of a nod of confidence. I can do it so just step aside if you are not joining me on this journey and watch me work.