More than a conqueror

Are you holding on to old hurt? Last night I was at GPS Cafe International and I was moved by a poet named Starski. He was a feature for the night. His piece about what he doesn’t like about poets simply put moved me although that is putting it mildly. He sad do not allow the customer to pay good money only to hear you whine and cry tears of yesterday. It is time to move on from that and grow.

As I am sitting in my chair I am sitting there wondering what piece I will do now. There is a poem that marinates in my heart. A poem I have held onto from days long ago. A poem that brings me to tears everytime I do it. The audience feels my pain and they cry too.  Here is that poem:

U-G-L-Y

You ain’t got no alibi

You ugly

You ugly

U-G-L-Y

Used to hear that word so much I used to think it was my first name

Looked that word up in the dictionary and I would have sworn there was a picture of me there

Look at me

Take a good look

You think by looking at me you know

You don’t know me

You don’t know my struggle

It was UGLY

Looking in the mirror is pointless

When I know the horror staring back at me

I just want to break it and slam all the hurt away

UGLY

Could not even walk down my block

My name UGLY would ring out like a fire alarm

Juice containers being thrown my way along with that nasty name

UGLY

That one word has always conjured up so much pain and trauma for me

Confidence was stolen from me how could I believe in me

UGLY

Pretty those were my sisters my friends, not me

Always the ugly duckling never shed that awful cloak

It is devastating when those closest to you believe UGLY is your name

Fighting to take back the power that name took away

You pity me but secretly your are elated you don’t look like me

Let me tell you something

This creamy caramel skin, almond eyes, and sweet smile are BEAUTIFUL

Finally I said it and I mean it

Don’t pity me hell I pity you

Wanting me to stay down in the pit of despair

You don’t love me

I don’t need you anymore

Beauty is now synonymous with me

My daughter gave me back my beauty

Daily I look at her and smile

Fighting back tears she is stronger than me

She is beautiful and she knows it

Reminding her she is beautiful just the way she is

Compassion trumps ignorance.

Time to let the past go. I used to be known as ugly but for hear on out I am beautiful. I have grown comfortable in cute, yet I am trying on sexy and it tends to sag because my confidence is weak. I have decided I will let go. I will release those who once suffocated me with that word ugly. I am untie the noose and stepping down. It kills me everytime I do that poem. I do it because it evokes emotion and proves my worth as a poet. The pain just pours out of me my struggle seems to validate my worth as a poet.

I have to let go. I am deep and I am good simply because I said so. Furthermore, ugly is no longer with me I buried him a long time ago strange bedfellows yet I resurrect him every time I do that poem. I am done. I am cute I will no longer accept ugliness. I am just too cute for that.

Do you have a demon you are holding onto from your past? Are you afraid to release it from your life? Share your thoughts below.

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