Being a mom can be a scary job. I used to think women who were single moms and chose not to date until their children reached adulthood were crazy. Yet, everyday more and more I see why that makes perfect sense. Kids say and do the darndest things. A lot of times more often than not they emulate us. Raising children is a difficult task with two parents, imagine how arduous it is with one? One parent takes on dual parenting roles.
I am a single parent of one child. I have a little girl. I always say the woman I want her to be I have to be. But, am I truly a shining example. As I have mentioned in a previous post commitment is scary to me. I date a lot and it proves futile and although my daughter does not meet my dates she can hear our various conversations in passing nothing sexual but not exactly innocent. She is very inquisitive, my daughter, so I have to be very meticulous about what I say and do for her innocent eyes are always watching.
The mind often wonders what they interpret that they see us do. Then, again sometimes their innocence and naiveté causes us to ring the alarm. Here is a case in point children asking strangers for money. Now seeing this exchange breaks my heart. A parent feels you should rely on me and becomes immediately incensed when seeing this display. Often we say to ourselves I provide for my child now why are they asking another a stranger at that for something. Never thinking maybe the child was innocently emulating something they have seen us do countless times. Have you ever been short on change and someone that you did not know helped you out? Or, someone you barely know randomly gives you money? Kids see this and often do not understand the psychology behind it. They see ask and you shall receive.
Instead of seeing the logic behind the error of their ways we want to reprimand them when we are often fueled by anger and embarrassment. Two very strong emotions one should always know not to act out in anger. To correct the situation is to address it head on to say to the child one do not talk to strangers and most certainly do not accept or ask for things from a stranger versus standing there pissed off.
Ladies we have to be careful with the examples we display to our children. We should learn how to be those worth being followed by our children. We have to put them first and worry about a man later. We can continue to say to them do as I say not as I do. Daughters are learning that accepting and asking for money from a man is fine. Mommy is always saying run me my money. A man must break bread to be here. So in her innocent eyes a man equals money and financial stability versus learning I need to have my own money and pay my own way.
We have to watch the message we are sending and more importantly look at it through their impressionable eyes. It is not so much we have to wait until they are adults to find Mr. Right. We just have to stop showing them we are incomplete without him. We have to stop giving away our love to a man they barely know. Or one you barely know for that matter. Devote time to your child and yourself. Kids grow up fast and move even faster than we once did. One does not want to wonder if I would have devoted more time to my child things may not have turned out this way.
Being a single parent is a strike and as a woman a double strike. For society sees it as you let this happen to you having his baby and him abandoning you. You should have known better. You are held to a higher standard than married women. You have to carry yourself with a different more critical esteem. You bore a life and you have to shape that person into someone great otherwise they will be just like their daddy or even worse another misguided you.
Do you find dating as a single parent difficult? Should you wait until their adult years to seek out a partner? Share your thoughts below.