Beauty is MY name!

Hi, my name is Sweet Nectar and I am a creamy crackaholic. I need a perm in my hair every year unless of course I am wearing a wig or a weave. Then, and only then can my hair be natural. I need a weave, wig, or perm to feel beautiful. The thought of having something added makes me feel fabulous. Well this is my old mantra. Weave it and you can achieve it. It is unbeweaveable the lengths I would go thru to feel beautiful. My natural hair was something I hated for a long time. Naturally, it has always held a tight curl that I despised for years. I wanted straight hair whether it was provided to me by weave, wig, or perm.

Since my hair was not down my back I felt absolutely no need to reveal my thin hair and thinning edges. I could hide behind my weave. I would wear my own processed hair for a season and then go right back to covering it up with weave or a wig. I had gotten both accustomed and lazy wearing wigs. I went to the shop to get a perm this year and it was so matted. I lost a lot of hair I was not even braiding my hair underneath just slapped it in a ponytail and pinned it down. I lost a lot of hair as a result.  The man who did my hair said to me do not ever put that mess back in your hair. When, I looked at the damage I had done I took heed. The luxury of wearing wigs or weaves for fashion is one thing. But, when it cripples you to the point where you feel less than without it then you have become addicted to weave. Weave  pimped me for years I have been her slave so long I forgot what the really me looked like without the weave. The clear skin, caramel beauty I knew was hidden away since my adolescence. The natural beauty with the tight, soft curls.

Now I will not lie the only reason I lasted three months of being natural is because of this grueling heat. Yet, I have never felt so sexy and liberated. Everywhere I go I get compliments on my hair, whether I wet it and go or set it and go. I love my curls and playing with them as they fall so effortlessly.  My daughter’s hair is natural and each time I take her to the shop they want to give her a texturizer. I am adamant about saying no. I want her to love her natural look, whether it is long and straight, or short and fierce. I do not want her to obsessive over her looks or locks. She even wants to rock her natural curl. We shall see.

For years I have been obsessed with long hair. I find great pride in a woman with long hair down her back. Yet, I have not been content allowing my shoulder-length hair to breath. I wish I could have shouted a long time ago I AM NOT MY HAIR.  I was so vain about my hair and its length. It was not where I wanted it to be so I hid it. So I have come to a decision it is time to let go and stop fighting this self-defeatist battle. It is time to show myself that long hair I don’t care so……………………I AM CUTTING IT OFF!

If my stylist thinks I am playing I will pull an Angela Bassett and grab the scissors and cut it my damn self. It is time to woman up and grow within my life. I have taken great strides and improved in so many areas yet looks plague me. I was in a doctor’s office and saw someone from my past I refused to make eye contact for I did not want him to remember as the ugly girl from Monmouth Street. Eventhough, I felt more confident in that little moment I felt so small being taken back to the place where I was terrorized.

We cannot help the way we look but we can help how we look at ourselves. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so behold the beauty that is YOU! We owe it to our daughters and sons.  Love yourself unconditionally and show compassion for yourself.

As I play with my curls I am mentally preparing myself for the shock of my life. I need a good shock.  I want to look devastatingly gorgeous. Pics coming soon!

Are you addicted to the creamy crack or weaves? How do you fight this addiction? Share your thought below.


4 thoughts on “Beauty is MY name!

  1. Well you already know my struggle with this issue. I’m still working towards getting to the place that you are now in, but I have to admit that there is an unexplainable feeling of freedom that I get when I just let me natural hair be free from all the weave. I too have been contemplating something as drastic as just cutting it all off. I want to do it, but we shall see!!!

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