Would you date someone who refused to accept your child? Would this be a deal breaker? Some people want to love you but are not willing to accept the package that comes along with you. Now I will admit before I became a Mom I refused to date a man with a child. I did not want to deal with any baby mama drama. Despite the fact I loved kids I knew that was something I did not want to deal with. I met someone who was a great man and I could have loved and accepted his situation with his child years later this choice would come back to haunt me.
It is present day and I am a mother of a 10 year old. Single and looking for a companion. I am looking for that intelligent, ambitious, confident, suitor. Up until a few weeks ago I thought I found him, we will change his name for the sake of the story. Omar was just the kind of guy I liked in my ideal mate in fact. We shared so many common interests and our chemistry was undeniable. Everything clicked when we put our expectations and intent on the table is when trouble surfaced in paradise. It seems he did not mind befriending a single mom he just was adamant about the fact he would not get serious about her. He did not want a ready-made family. It seemed from his observation I was a great girl but my daughter was a deal breaker for him. Crushed does not begin to describe how I felt at that moment. I was speechless I had like him from afar for so long and part of me knew it would never be but it never occurred to me that he would never be able to accept the more pertinent person in my life.
For some this would have been the beginning of the end. You can never change someone who does not want to change. Yet he reassured me that I should stay and with the hope that maybe his position would change, like a fool I remained with him. Cuddling and sexing him night after night. Misconstruing the mornings when he would want me to stay longer as him saying baby I want you. Naively, I convinced myself his long embrace meant something so much deeper. I understood it to me he wanted me no matter what and he would come around. He even took me on a date despite our arrangement, with no provocation from me. He definitely seemed genuinely interested in me he was coming around. Yet I was still struggling with the fact he did not want a serious relationship with me because I was a Mom.
One day against my better judgment I asked him out on a date, he refused to go citing he had a single mindset. So it was ok for us to have sex but that was the extent of it. It was like a slap in the face I blew a gasket. To be honest I was mostly mad at myself not Omar. I was a fool for ever thinking he would come around. Men are great at saying exactly what they mean and women have a great way of manipulating their words to mean something that better suit our needs. When a man tells you something believe him and his actions. I made it so convenient for Omar giving him something he can feel for the moment without him having to give me anything more.
I am not writing this expecting any sympathy for it was my naiveté that got me in this mess. I am a grown woman who knows full well what this situation was. The person I feel for is my daughter I was wasting time with him that could have be better spent with her. All because I wanted to be held and caressed. It was not even about the sex it was just that constant need to belong to someone.
I guess you could say I was being desperate. I was so willing to accept a man in any form. Willing to compromise my values and standards just to say I belong to someone. A sad state of affairs I was willing to sell my soul to the one who gives me the most attention. What kind of example am I setting for my daughter? I tell her I would never put a man before her yet with Omar that is exactly what I did. Thankfully, I have learned from my wayward ways when a man tells me something I will listen to his words and actions meticulously.