No Kids Allowed….

 

Would you date someone who refused to accept your child? Would this be a deal breaker? Some people want to love you but are not willing to accept the package that comes along with you. Now I will admit before I became a Mom I refused to date a man with a child. I did not want to deal with any baby mama drama. Despite the fact I loved kids I knew that was something I did not want to deal with. I met someone who was a great man and I could have loved and accepted his situation with his child years later this choice would come back to haunt me.

 

It is present day and I am a mother of a 10 year old. Single and looking for a companion. I am looking for that intelligent, ambitious, confident, suitor. Up until a few weeks ago I thought I found him, we will change his name for the sake of the story. Omar was just the kind of guy I liked in my ideal mate in fact. We shared so many common interests and our chemistry was undeniable. Everything clicked when we put our expectations and intent on the table is when trouble surfaced in paradise. It seems he did not mind befriending a single mom he just was adamant about the fact he would not get serious about her. He did not want a ready-made family.  It seemed from his observation I was a great girl but my daughter was a deal breaker for him. Crushed does not begin to describe how I felt at that moment. I was speechless I had like him from afar for so long and part of me knew it would never be but it never occurred to me that he would never be able to accept the more pertinent person in my life.

 

For some this would have been the beginning of the end.  You can never change someone who does not want to change. Yet he reassured me that I should stay and with the hope that maybe his position would change, like a fool I remained with him. Cuddling and sexing him night after night. Misconstruing the mornings when he would want me to stay longer as him saying baby I want you. Naively, I convinced myself his long embrace meant something so much deeper. I understood it to me he wanted me no matter what and he would come around. He even took me on a date despite our arrangement, with no provocation from me. He definitely seemed genuinely interested in me he was coming around. Yet I was still struggling with the fact he did not want a serious relationship with me because I was a Mom.

 

One day against my better judgment I asked him out on a date, he refused to go citing he had a single mindset. So it was ok for us to have sex but that was the extent of it. It was like a slap in the face I blew a gasket. To be honest I was mostly mad at myself not Omar. I was a fool for ever thinking he would come around. Men are great at saying exactly what they mean and women have a great way of manipulating their words to mean something that better suit our needs. When a man tells you something believe him and his actions. I made it so convenient for Omar giving him something he can feel for the moment without him having to give me anything more.

I am not writing this expecting any sympathy for it was my naiveté that got me in this mess. I am a grown woman who knows full well what this situation was. The person I feel for is my daughter I was wasting time with him that could have be better spent with her. All because I wanted to be held and caressed. It was not even about the sex it was just that constant need to belong to someone.

 

I guess you could say I was being desperate. I was so willing to accept a man in any form. Willing to compromise my values and standards just to say I belong to someone. A sad state of affairs I was willing to sell my soul to the one who gives me the most attention. What kind of example am I setting for my daughter? I tell her I would never put a man before her yet with Omar that is exactly what I did. Thankfully, I have learned from my wayward ways when a man tells me something I will listen to his words and actions meticulously.

 

Is a man not accepting your child a deal breaker? Or, have you compromised your standards selfishly for a temporary fulfillment? Share your thoughts below.

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11 thoughts on “No Kids Allowed….

  1. Yea, it is unfortunate but like you said don’t try to change a man’s mind with sex. He told you want he wanted and where he saw your relationship going. The main problem you made was already having sex with him and giving your most prized possession, your body to him before you had that conversation where you put intentions on the table. I think you probably already knew, but ignorance is bliss sometimes.

    Check out my blog @ http://www.romance101.net

    • If any man was interested in me and didn’t accept the fact that I had a kid that would a deal breaker point blank period. If you want me that includes all of me…meaning my kid & my cat. LOL.

      If he felt that way, he should’ve never talked to you point blank period. He simply said at all maybe I will change crap just to continue getting the cheeks. Which is not so good on his part. Once he told you that, you should’ve left. But sometimes we need to learn the hard way.

      Preach @ Men are great at saying exactly what they mean and women have a great way of manipulating their words to mean something that better suit our needs.

      Indeed we do twist his word to hear something that is simply a figment of our imaginations. When someone especially a man talks to you…LISTEN!!

    • Ignorance is bliss when you are young. The older you get the harder it is to bounce back. We can keep making the same mistakes and calling it experience. We have to call it exactly as we see it.

  2. Funny..I’m on the fence about dating this dude who has kids. Its not because I don’t like kids but its because they are young and I really want my own family. He persists and I’m not getting younger I suppose this will be a new journey to go on..

    • Always stick to your values. I used to think the same way. I have always loved kids. I just had no interest dating men with children pre-motherhood. Make sure you do what suits you. Never compromise your standards for his situation.

  3. I doubt if I could ever accept someone who excluded my child, seeing as how my daughter means the world to me. Not too mention how Christina will be there long after the woman is gone.

    I advise everyone to shun those who blatantly disregards your own child, men and women.

    Good read.

  4. I’m a single mother of two, and the way I see it, my children and I are one. If someone was interested in me, he would definitely need to accept us all – no doubt about that. No man comes above my kidsters and that’s something that I just cannot compromise on. We’re human, and our mistakes are also lessons – you’ve certainly done the right thing.

  5. Why not date a single father? Parents should only date other parents.

    Only date when the kids are with their father, and then get married once they are grown and in college.

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