Cleaning Out My Closet!

Have you done your emotional spring cleaning yet? It is time to free yourself of the memory of the thoughts that had you trapped all winter. Dating has always been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I always want to belong to someone. Yet I cannot seem to find that one that I am equally yoked to. So it should comes as no surprise that I am always single.

I sometimes feel I am single by force not choice. My timing sucks and I can never have him to myself he is always emotionally unavailable. Often the men I choose are the type that just feeling the whole aspect of an emotional connection. I always feel as though I am faking it emotionally with them. Keeping my distance when I know I want to be cuddled up in his arms. The further away I am the closer I want to be.

On this pretty day, I am in the house contemplating the power of letting go. How do I properly utilize it? How do I let go of something I hold tightly in my ever slipping grasp? Love is eluding me and it is because I am not assertive with it. I need to say to love I want and need you in my life. I want to hold and caress your heart and hug you till you realize you never want me to let go.

Yet it is time I realized the love I want at this point in time I cannot handle emotionally. Allowing my guard to be set aside and love selflessly without inhibitions. Be intimate without rushing into the bedroom. Caress his mind with my captivating thoughts. I am not ready for any of this yet. I am a walking contradiction of love. I want love another so I can distract myself from loving me. I keep trying to shortcut my way out of self love with the same hopeless result. I’m a penny with a hole in it.

I want love so bad but not for myself I want to give it to someone else. My kind of love is distracting. I need to keep my focus in life green in my mind. Letting no one not even a companion deter me in anyway. I know deep down a companion right now would inevitably be the key in my demise at this point. The nail in the coffin. I need to concentrate on my list of goals not my mate checklist. I did it before and I can do it again and succeed. I have confidence renewed in my spirit.

Ready to get off that emotional rollercoaster? Time to clean out that closet baby. Share your thoughts below.


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