Sex-less In The City

Today starts the beginning of my 30 day dating diet. As I mentioned in a previous post I have taken a hiatus from dating. I want to blog about my journey through this process.

Take this morning for example I saw my sweetie. I flirted a lot but nothing further. I want to fight the urge so flirting although innocent I know it can lead to more. I won’t be doing any house visits anytime soon. I want to focus on connection with intimacy on my own without a man for a while. My period of abstinence will give me time to focus on greater things than a quick fix. I have to refuse to settle no matter what the cost. Yes some days will be damn near impossible to get through I know I can manage.

Intimacy is so important. It is so beautiful when you can connect with someone without opening your legs. To have someone enamored with you through the mental and spiritual is definitely sexy. It makes one feel so much more worthy in the dating world. It isn’t so much about holding out versus holding onto your values and totally focusing on YOU.

How can you achieve intimacy with someone else if you can’t achieve it with you? I feel so sexy focusing on me. I feel more comfortable around a man without thinking about sex. To be frank it occasionally crosses my mind. But I know I must throw myself into other things besides a man. That’s the story of my past life. Case in point there is a colleague of mine that I am infatuated with his intellectual presence. I toy with having an intellectual conversation with him where he sees my brain muscles flex. I want to take sex out of the equation because I want to be taken seriously. I am not some dumb sex kitten. When I open my mouth to speak I want attentive ears and eyes on me. I don’t want the focal point to be my voluptuous figure. When I speak I want to be both seen and heard. I want to challenge his mental give him an orgasm in the brain. For that’s how I will leave an indelible mark in his memory bank.

This hiatus is about more than just sex. It is about me taking myself seriously. About me knowing my true worth is more than a pair of sexy eyes and thighs. Many people think I am just a temptress but I know I represent more than that. I am enduring a growth process that is long overdue. I am coming back to the essence of loving me. I love how confident I am when I walk into a room now. I feel a sense of pride in my walk and talk. I am more than a woman with potential I am utilizing my skills and they are benefiting me greatly.

My metamorphosis is more than modest clothing and natural look. It is reflecting a mental and spiritual growth. I am not allowing people to see me sweat I am handling life of my own terms. A man will be welcomed into my life at a later time. Right now I am enjoying my own company. It feels good when approached to firmly turn down advances without guilt. I am respecting my own boundaries not just stating them because they sound good.

Have you raised the bar on yourself? What standards have you set? Share your thoughts below.


5 thoughts on “Sex-less In The City

  1. My thoughts are that you’re going to learn something about life that you probably don’t wanna learn. Almost every woman I know has done what you’re doing – and for the exact same reasons you’re doing it. Yes, you’re more than a sexual object, but, yeah, you are one whether you like it or not. Men respond to you (and women in general) in this way because we’re hardwired for it – that’s just the way it is. It’s not that you can’t be appreciated for your mind and other values… but all of those things are wrapped up in a package that screams sexual to us.

    Sure, it’s about setting the bar high so few, if any, people can reach that far; it’s about setting standards that are, for others, difficult to adhere to and I’ve learned so far that women do this to sidestep the fact that, yeah, you’re sexual objects and you will always been seen as such – not that the other things about you can’t be seen.

    You don’t have to believe me. Yep, you’ll come out the other side of this more in touch with yourself but, I think, aware of the things I mentioned above and that while you might be good with yourself, well, it might not work out that well when you want to get involved with a man again because you’ve reset the bar, raised the standards and now, there isn’t a man alive who can reach that far.

    You’re thinking, “Well, if he can’t appreciate me for who and what I am, then I don’t need his ass!” And you’d be right… except one of the things you are is a sexual object and, yeah, I know ya don’t particularly want to accept that… but it’s one of the things about life that you’ll learn and maybe wish that you didn’t.

    Ya gotta let us know how this works for you. I know women who have called a time-out like you have… and have been in the time-out for years, not just days.

      • I can understand that… but as you go forward, remember rule #1 – You come first. Not all that bad a thing to be distracted by men as long as you remember that they’re really not the focus – you are. Love them, sex them like crazy – that’s all well and good. But, if you chose a path for yourself, your focus is on the path and not so much the obstacles that will appear.

        I kinda figured you don’t have a time frame for your hiatus; like I said, I know women who did this for years and didn’t find the answers they were looking for or they found answers that changed them… but not really in a good way.

        You can’t stop being a woman; you can’t stop embodying all that a woman is because if you do that, you’ve lost yourself and you’ll find yourself by yourself at the end of it all. I hope you really don’t take years to figure out all you had to do was invoke Rule #1…

  2. I for one thing this will be good for you. You need to learn you and love you. I’m proud because I know this isn’t going to be easy…but it will be good for you.

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