Respect Your Boundaries

I have sworn off dating for a while at least until I get myself together. A lot of people had strong reactions to me publicly announcing I was going on a dating hiatus. They were caught up in the series title “Sex-less in The City”. It wasn’t that I wanted to say hey world I am not having sex anymore. It was geared to focus on me. I am not in the place in my life where I want to be where I am strong enough not to get distracted by having a man in my life. As I mentioned before I have taken “Cater 2 U” to a whole other level. I immerse myself into my man and lose not only my breath but my whole identity.

I need to concentrate on things other than sex. Although lately I am either ruminating on past loves or sex. I have to be careful for our thoughts often become our actions. Right now I am focusing on my relationship checklist and how I demonstrate the things on that list:

Respectful: respects boundaries, body, spirituality, viewpoints even if there is disagreement, considerate of my feelings; shared household responsibilities, if living together shared income no dependence on each other financially.


Trustworthy: with heart emotions, supportive emotionally respond and communicate about situations.


Intelligent about different things: across the board, intellectual curiosity, not complacent, go-getter, and partner/coach.


Passionate: about his life, dreams and what makes him happy. His is ambitious about his personal, career, spiritual goals; he walks the walk, and not just talking the talk.  He takes care of himself.


Loving: family-oriented, accepts my child; working as a family, treats her like his own; family activities.


Friendship: Very important; foundation of relationship, communication about life, love, and everything in between.

What is on your relationship checklist? Is what you have on your list qualities you already demonstrate? Or are you demanding things you are not capable of displaying. I was called to demonstrate the qualities I look for. I have decided to delve deep and see where I am lacking and make sure I measure up. Respect is something that goes a long way it sets the bar for how you are viewed by others. I want someone to respect my mind, body, and soul. First, I have to show was it is I feel I truly deserve. Now while I want him to respect my body I have to respect it to. I have to stop settling for these non-descript relationships that I spend years in. I have to stop attaching myself to those who do not want to be attached. It is the story of my past life. 

I have to respect the boundaries I set. Which I have erroneously overlooked in the past I am adamant in my head at least I want a relationship. Not a “friend” I want a man someone I can be attached to emotionally, physically, and spiritually. At this point I have not found that one. I have to respect that boundary. I have to say if he does not want something of substance then I will move on. I have to respect the fact my body is a temple that should not be shared with someone who is just looking for a Girl Friday. It is to be treasured by me. I cannot share my emotions with emotionally unavailable men. I have to set the bar high on myself. I deserve to be loved and respected. 

I have to respect my spirit sharing it with those who do not wish me well is detrimental to my soul. It breaks my stride when I waste tears and years on those who don’t love me, those who don’t care. I have to show compassion for myself. I care so much for others I do not put this woman first. That is a form of disrespect. This relationship checklist starts and ends with me. From it’s inception in my life it commanded my attention. I owe it to myself to respect myself. It is so much deeper than the physical aspect. I am a woman who deserves respect. I have to give it to get it just like anyone else.


Do you respect yourself mind, body, spirit? How do you demonstrate respect to yourself? Share your thoughts below.



One thought on “Respect Your Boundaries

  1. Ya know, if one has such a mental checklist – and I guess people do – the one thing that should be on it – and the only thing that probably really matters – is for (say) you to be yourself and not something someone else wants you to be. Sure, you can make adjustments and stuff on who you are as a person but when you start changing stuff about yourself to maybe fit someone else’s image, that usually doesn’t go very well so I hope you don’t fall into this particular pot-hole.

    What has always amazed me about women who are doing what you’re doing is they often feel as if they’ve lost their self-respect and, frankly, I find it baffling because giving in to your passions isn’t a lack of self-respect – but it could be a self-control issue and the two things aren’t related (that I know of).

    You’ve said that you’re off the market for the foreseeable future because men distract you and instead of becoming a temporary nun, perhaps you should look at what causes the distractions, what’s going on mind, body, and soul when you’re being distracted – and then gather up your self-control, fortify it and all that so you can be the woman who gets the respect that may be required.

    It’s okay to walk away from something for a moment and reevaluate stuff… but it would be a damned shame for you to walk away from dating, do all that rearranging your mental house, and the person who emerges is one who has decided that less might be more and, in this, that’s never the truth; as I mentioned, the women I know who have done this might have “regained” their self-respect (not that they ever lost it in the first place) but have, almost to a woman, been rather lonely going forward – even when they’ve gone back to dating.

    I admire your courage and determination in this!

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