Play or Be Played

Are you going to play or be played? While on dating hiatus I have decided to catch up on some necessary reading. There was an author I came across years ago that I detested for a long time. I vilified him for his book “The Art of Mackin”. I felt like how he can write a book teaching men how to play us. I mean the person I was dating at the time was reading this book and using the tips on me. One of which I really liked. I digress that is a blog for another day. So I was not fond of Mr. Tariq I hate when men play games and he is the king of games. Despite the fact I outwardly despised “The Art of Mackin” I was inwardly intrigued by it. This book challenged me I read it but it confused me because it was not meant for me I need something meant for me. Later, I discovered he wrote the book “Play or Be Played: What every female should know about men, dating, and relationships”. Initially, when I tried to read this book I was still confused. I wanted to get back at men and this would help me do it. Needless, to say I was unsuccessful and miserable once again.

Now that I am focusing on me it is a perfect time as any to read it. I can be receptive and I realize I have to have it together before I can meet my Renaissance man. So I am ending the “Sex-less in the City” series and now starting my review of “Play or Be Played”. So ladies get out your notebooks and be prepared to step your game up. I am going to touch on the imperative parts essential to our growth as queens. To have a king (Alpha Male) you must be a queen (Alpha Female). In this series we will focus on what we are willing to bring to the table when we ask for a quality man. Ladies in order to have a quality man you must possess qualifications and credentials. Erroneously, we have believed credentials equal potential. Everyone has potential; it is what you do with it that will give you sustenance.

Ladies often we think we know how to please a man. We know all the tricks of the trade so why are we still missing the mark. If men are such simple creatures and we believe them to be why is it so complex to please them? Let that marinate for a minute. If you are offended it is because you don’t really care about what it takes to please a man. You are solely focus on you. I am going to be brash with you because sugar-coating only pacified the problem without any real solution in sight. Men want you to feed them, and supply them with the cookie. We have to learn to be selfless ladies if we want to achieve happiness in the dating world. 

Now we will explore further what men want. When a man meets a woman she goes into one of two categories, potential mate or potential sex partner. Which one are you? For a long time I have been a really fun partner. I am so bored with that role. It is time to step up into the potential mate category. It is more about focusing on you and improving your game. Game in fact affects every aspect of your life. What is the sense in having you together everywhere but fall flat in the dating world? These lessons go across the board.  I finally realized if I get my shit together in every aspect of my life then it will carry over into intricate parts like dating, finances, spirituality, and the list goes on. 

Ready to woman up! I am.

What a man wants varies based on qualities and characteristics, both men and women have a common thread. A man has two types of needs a primal need and a social need. His primal need is an orgasm. His social need is power through leadership. He wants to be his own man. The two needs depending on his level of game weigh their importance of one over the other. A disciplined man seeks out power, a scrub settles for an orgasm.

Just because his primal need is an orgasm; does not mean the cookie has an exuberant value system. Keep in mind Play or Be Played rule number one: A man does not have to like you to sleep with you. It would be nice though.

Good rule to keep in mind especially when you are caught up in the sex partner category. In case you are wondering you end up in the category because obviously you value attention more than appreciation but we will get to that topic later. Remember ladies you have to be the Alpha Female to get the Alpha Male.

Are you tired of being played? Is it time for you to step your game up? Share your thoughts below.

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5 thoughts on “Play or Be Played

      • I wonder if the people who write these things realize that it’s really not that simple a thing to explain? If it were, there would only be two books about this – one for men, one for women.

      • Um, no – I mean two books – period. As it is, there are many other such books that offer to reveal the secrets of men and women and how to improve relationships, how to avoid getting played, mindfucked, and other such things. They attempt to quantify our behavior in a general way – shoe-horning us, as it were. Not only do such books attempt to “teach” us how to play the game better, some tell us how to take certain advantages of each other.

        Or, books for men teach us how to “exploit” women while books for women teach them how to not be exploited – but to be the one to do the exploiting to achieve their goals. To that end, do they not actually set us against each other?

        This is why I find your series on this to be interesting… because I don’t think it’s totally “right” nor is it definitive; it’s not “the” answer for men and women to be better to, for, and with each other, just as I don’t believe there is a definitive and singular way to achieve this lofty goal.

        Personally, LQ, I think the “problem” is that we try to figure each other out as a whole instead of focusing on the individuals or if you wanna know what a man wants, ask him – he might be able to tell you. Likewise, if I wanna know what a woman wants, I’m going to ask her instead of acting upon a set of general things; then it becomes a matter of whether or not I can provide her with that which she needs while also achieving the same goal for myself.

        And it’s not that simple – it’s never been that simple; sounds good on paper, tends to fail in practical application.

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