Are you or someone you are dating a professional victim? Incessantly, ruminating on love gone awry granted I have been hurt and am timid in matters of the heart. Yet I refuse to be a professional victim. Let me elaborate on the term professional victim and maybe even give you some signs of one. First, let’s began with the terminology, a professional victim according to the Urban Dictionary:
Someone who (usually falsely) claims victimization any time things don’t go their way. Everywhere this person goes, they believe someone is taking advantages of them. This person has many stories of being kept down, numerous abuse incidents throughout their childhood and adolescence and adulthood. This person will regale you with stories of their failures as a result of someone other than themselves. It’s never their fault, in whole or in part. Life just isn’t fair for these people. The professional victim cannot take responsibility for his or her own shortcomings and life failures, so they claim to be a victim of circumstance and/or other people.
You know the type every mate in my life has hurt me, cheated on me, or just took advantage of me. It was never my fault; I am just an unsuspecting victim. They will cry you a river from here to the Nile. They never take any accountability for their own mistakes or shortcomings in a relationship. See I could argue that all my boyfriends cheated on me so I do not trust any man to be faithful. For one if I knew the signs why did I stay and it would be erroneous of me to generalize all men. I am just a good catch and everyone keeps dropping me. Nope not me I know that I have tolerated too damn much in my dating life. That is why my love life is in complete shambles and only I can sweep up the pieces. Now I am not saying that I should have had to endure infidelity but there are always warning signs in a relationship good and bad acknowledge them and proceed with extreme caution. It is like walking off a cliff and wondering how you landed on your behind. If you are that lucky I digress.
Let me now point out the signs of a professional victim:
This person always seeks out attention. It is always about them and no one else. Woe is them and the hell with you and your issues. The emotionally immature person needs interaction, feedback, and validation of their worth. The emotionally mature person doesn’t need to go hunting for these; they gain it naturally from their daily life, especially from stable relationships.
Attention seeking methods
Attention seekers commonly exploit the suffering of others to gain attention for themselves. Or they may exploit their own suffering, or alleged suffering.
The Victim: she may intentionally create acts of harassment against herself, e.g. send herself hate mail or damage her own possessions in an attempt to incriminate a fellow employee, a family member, neighbor, etc. Scheming, cunning, devious, deceptive and manipulative, she will identify her “harasser” and produce circumstantial evidence in support of her claim. She will revel in the attention she gains and use her glib charm to plausibly dismiss any suggestion that she herself may be responsible. However, a background check may reveal that this is not the first time she has had this happen to her.
Now when I took a look at the term professional victim when reading Played or Be Played by Tariq Nasheed I fit the bill to a tee. I always complain about things that I could control yet I refuse to take control of them. Initially, when I read this book I was in denial about who I truly was. I just thought men were doing me dirty without rhyme or reason. Now that my mind is receptive to his teaching I can admit that I am a professional victim. The truth shall set me free and sting like hell. Now that I am aware of the fact that I am indeed an attention freak I will take the necessary steps to correct that. Hence, no dating until I get my stuff together. When it is all said and done I want to feel and conduct myself as a queen. Though old habits die hard, with hard work they do die.
A queen doesn’t have to try and get attention from other to self-validate her self-worth, because a queen already knows she’s the shit. And when you are the shit, you can adapt and relate to anyone in any environment (p. 34). Now we move on to
Tip #2 on how women can have game:
Try to smile as much as you can. It just puts you and everyone around you at ease. It makes you more approachable in social settings.
Are you a professional victim? Men have you dated a professional victim? Share your thoughts below.