So I moved into my house recently and I have been so buys with it that I have been neglecting my blog. I cannot neglect my baby but I have been so wrapped up in this house I haven’t had time or energy to blog. I finally figured out which box the book “Played or Be Played” is in so I can finish the series. Now let’s get right back into the swing of things. I will tackle the issue of why we end up with any one of the 8 types of men and how to exit these types of relationships?
Ladies try this on for size a man would not date a woman who he knew was a cheater. So why would you date a man that is a known cheater. We will know he has potential cheater written all over and still proceed without caution. We stay with him out of stubbornness and pure defiance. All the while being fully knowledgeable of the danger we are in. The danger serves as an aphrodisiac and it keeps us intrigued by this type of man. We think we can tame a wild stallion of his wayward ways. Reality check you can’t change someone else you can only change yourself.
Now many of us will make excuses for staying with the cheater. Here are three of the top self-delusional excuses:
The Investment Excuse: “We’ve invested so much time together.”
The Doing the Kids a Favor Excuse: “We have kids together.”
The Spiritual Cop-Out Excuse: “The Bible says people shouldn’t get divorced”, or “He who is without sin shall cast the first stone”.
For years we have been using these excuses to stay with our cheating man. These excuses have justified our going the distance with this man. Now we will delve into the real reasons why we stay.
We are afraid to get out of our comfort zone.
We become relaxed in our relationships. We will know he is cheating, acknowledge we need to move on, yet still we stand with him. We fear our happiness and sanctity more than we fear staying with him. We fear starting over alone more than making strange bedfellows with misery. Sadly enough, we would prefer to use one of the three self-delusional excuses.
There are financial incentives.
When a woman is in a relationship where she is receiving material and monetary kickbacks, or even if she thinks there is a possibility of financial gain in the future, she will be willing to endure all types of seemingly unacceptable behavior. Some of us would rather be a rich man’s mistress than a poor man’s wife, when it comes to a lap of luxury with other women.
Lacking other options.
Many women stay because they don’t think anyone else would want them. They feel like used goods yet they forget one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. As a wise woman always says, “I can look up longer than you can look down.” Ladies you should want you forget anyone else. You should love yourself enough to move on.
Too embarrassed to let other people know that they have had a failed relationship.
Ladies sometimes we stay with cheaters because they are more concerned with putting up the front of having the perfect relationship than having to accept reality, and moving on to a better situation. Never define yourself based on your relationships. When it comes to rectifying your relationships or your general well-being, stop worrying about what other people might say or what they think. Focus on what is best for you. At the end of the day, “they” are going to be concerned about “their” business-not yours.
5. They don’t want the other woman to “win”.
Many of us have a competitive nature. You will stay in a relationship with a cheating man simply to spite the other female, because these women don’t want to have to live with the thought of another woman “taking” her man. A cheater cheats because he wants to cheat, not because someone forces him. Blaming the other woman and taking your frustrations out on her (or them) is just another way of not dealing with the truth.
Knowledge is power so use is to your best advantage ladies, you have identified the types of cheaters, and why he cheats and why you stay. Knowing is half the battle. Now that you know move on accordingly.
Are you making excuses for staying with a cheater? Why are you staying? What’s your excuse? Share your thoughts below.