Would you marry me? He asked me that and I said yes I would flaws and all. He seemed shocked by my answer so I said it again. Yes! The thing was I was the shocked one. Someone popped the question and I said yes. Rewind! Let me stop all the pandemonium. I am not getting married…yet. Although Mrs. does have a nice ring to it. Don’t you just love my play on words. Yes its true he asked and I said yes. But honestly I am not ready to relinquish my last name let alone my single card. I am on a dating hiatus and I have to stick to it. Anyway, he cannot seriously want to marry me. I epitomize the word imperfection. I know I appear to have these great attributes he admires so much but I doubt he could truly love me flaws and all. I am still learning to love me and some days I cannot stand myself.
I have wondered even aloud sometimes how a man could love me for life. I imagine I could do some time but an indefinite amount of time scares me. My longest relationship of a serious commitment barely amounted to a year. A very, tumultuous year sure I was there physically all day every day. But, emotionally my heart was somewhere else. I had no loyalty to him so why did I stay. I stayed because I wanted to belong. I wanted to be his at least in a verbal sense. He wasn’t the man for me at all but he gave me what the man who was would not, a commitment. Now let’s reexamine my year relationship. Let’s get to the truth the only reason he was with me was because he wanted some new booty and I was with him because I wanted a title. Truth is the man I wanted I had been with since 22 and I couldn’t get a commitment so it was on to the next. I wanted a title not a man per say just a damn title. I took a beating for a stupid title. None of it makes much sense. So no I won’t be getting married any time soon. Shit my booty call lasted longer than any relationship I ever half-committed to. I cannot commit let alone be loyal. Would you marry me? If you said hell no I am not at all offended at least I don’t have enough sense to be.
This is probably the realest shit I ever wrote. Never delved this deep guess “The Conversation” by Hill Harper is teaching me to pull back the layers. I know I will be married someday but I want to do it right and only once. I want to want to marry me first before he pops that question. And I want to honestly and without hesitation say yes and mean it wholeheartedly. I say yes like some people lie. It just falls out my mouth. Yes! Yes! Yes! I would marry him I really would. Just not any time soon. I am not really on a dating hiatus when I am dating me or am I. Would you marry me?
What do you think about marriage? Do you want to get married? Why? Share your thoughts below.