Would You Marry Me?

Would you marry me? He asked me that and I said yes I would flaws and all. He seemed shocked by my answer so I said it again. Yes! The thing was I was the shocked one. Someone popped the question and I said yes. Rewind! Let me stop all the pandemonium. I am not getting married…yet. Although Mrs. does have a nice ring to it. Don’t you just love my play on words. Yes its true he asked and I said yes. But honestly I am not ready to relinquish my last name let alone my single card. I am on a dating hiatus and I have to stick to it. Anyway, he cannot seriously want to marry me. I epitomize the word imperfection. I know I appear to have these great attributes he admires so much but I doubt he could truly love me flaws and all. I am still learning to love me and some days I cannot stand myself.

I have wondered even aloud sometimes how a man could love me for life. I imagine I could do some time but an indefinite amount of time scares me. My longest relationship of a serious commitment barely amounted to a year. A very, tumultuous year sure I was there physically all day every day. But, emotionally my heart was somewhere else. I had no loyalty to him so why did I stay. I stayed because I wanted to belong. I wanted to be his at least in a verbal sense. He wasn’t the man for me at all but he gave me what the man who was would not, a commitment. Now let’s reexamine my year relationship. Let’s get to the truth the only reason he was with me was because he wanted some new booty and I was with him because I wanted a title. Truth is the man I wanted I had been with since 22 and I couldn’t get a commitment so it was on to the next. I wanted a title not a man per say just a damn title. I took a beating for a stupid title. None of it makes much sense. So no I won’t be getting married any time soon. Shit my booty call lasted longer than any relationship I ever half-committed to. I cannot commit let alone be loyal. Would you marry me? If you said hell no I am not at all offended at least I don’t have enough sense to be.

This is probably the realest shit I ever wrote. Never delved this deep guess “The Conversation” by Hill Harper is teaching me to pull back the layers. I know I will be married someday but I want to do it right and only once. I want to want to marry me first before he pops that question. And I want to honestly and without hesitation say yes and mean it wholeheartedly. I say yes like some people lie. It just falls out my mouth. Yes! Yes! Yes! I would marry him I really would. Just not any time soon. I am not really on a dating hiatus when I am dating me or am I. Would you marry me?

What do you think about marriage? Do you want to get married? Why? Share your thoughts below.

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3 thoughts on “Would You Marry Me?

  1. I was married for 32 years before me and the ex decided that we’d done all we could together and, up to that point, I enjoyed being married despite it being a pain the ass at times. Still, as my mother said to me the day I announced I was getting married (other than, “Oh, shit!”), “Your marriage is only going to be as good as the two of you can make it.”

    And she was right. Once we got past the rocky parts, we didn’t let anyone define our marriage other than us and, yeah, we made it pretty damned good right up to the end.

    So why get married? There’s the love; the security, hell, even that whole status thing of being officially off the market. Mostly, it’s about sharing life together, accepting the good in each other was well as that which is not-so-good – and then taking negatives and turning them into positives so that you both can continue to walk the road of life together – and for as long as possible.

    LQ, everyone has faults; we all have things that need to be worked on, improved, even scrapped in favor of a new thing. I get that you’re trying to remake yourself into a better person but, with the right person, well, you can get some help with that do-over because the person you decide to marry should not only love you but they should also be ready to put in whatever work is necessary to help make you the best person you can be… and, trust me, I know; it takes a shitload of work to make a marriage work and helping a wife (or a husband) be the best they can be is part of the deal – it goes along with the commitment of being married.

    So your imperfections shouldn’t matter (except you know about them and that’s to be expected); no one is going to marry you because you’re perfect – they’ll want to marry you because you’re perfect for THEM. I don’t know if your proposal was a serious one or not but, in case it was, don’t sell yourself short… but if you’re not ready to put in all the work required for a successful marriage, DO NOT DO IT.

    Besides, how does it sound to say, “I’m not worth marrying?” to yourself or someone else? Duh, the first thing about redoing yourself is being confident and knowing that, even with all your flaws and stuff, you are worth marrying because you have what it takes to make someone a good wife; anything less than that, well, go to your room and stay there until you are more confident in yourself.

    • I don’t think I need to be perfect to be married. I just think I have to be receptive to the work a marriage entails. I haven’t really stood the test of time commitment wise. I need to work on that first.

      • I understand and, yep, you have to be ready to do the work required to make a marriage work but here’s the thing: You actually don’t know if you can until you do it. You can take classes on how to be married… but that’s someone else’s idea of what marriage should be like and it’s not unique to (for this discussion) you and your intended hubby because both of you will define this marriage and, thus, be responsible for its success or failure.

        So… how does one stand the test of time as far as the commitment goes? As far as I know, there’s no way to determine this and, no, living with someone for a while before the fact, while helpful, isn’t a good indicator of one’s ability to hang in there for the very long term, for better or worse, until death and all that.

        We had some extra motivation, though: They said we wouldn’t be able to make it three years before it all fell apart. We lasted 32 years, LQ, and longer than those who doubted us. In that time, one of my sisters was married and divorced; the other one married and divorced twice and a lot of our friends got married and didn’t even make it to their fifth anniversary before they, too, failed. My parents didn’t stay married as long as we did (they lasted 15 years before divorcing).

        You start off with the belief that, yes, we can do this; you can even go into being married with a plan but, as they say in the military, all plans fail when the first shot is fired. Lord knows how many times I wondered if I – if we – had what it took to stand that test of time and commitment… but the only way to know the answer was to keep trying to do it and for as long as we could.

        So how one can work on “passing” this test kinda escapes me because there really isn’t a tried and true way to do this because every marriage is different despite any similarities. You get married and Murphy, of Murphy’s Law fame, marries you as well because, hell, yeah, if it can go wrong, it will go wrong and in some unexpected, unpredictable ways.

        Holla.

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