Are you emotionally unavailable? Ladies maybe you are the emotional unavailable one not him. What is so attractive about emotionally unavailable men? It is not the challenge of making him fall for you? Or the thrill of the chase, it is the fact we can project our love we want for ourselves onto him. I am reading “The Conversation” by Hill Harper the chapter I am reading now described me to a T. it covered how women will purposefully date emotionally unavailable men to divert from dealing with past issues and because at my core I am unavailable. I want to focus on my relationship problems versus looking at myself. It is time I put down the magnifying glass and pick up the mirror. I am not a victim. There are no victims, only volunteers. It blew me away completely out the water.
Never have I read a relationship book that related to me, not tried to define me but delved deep into the real heart of the issue. I do not love myself that is why I try and love an unworthy man so much. The right man cannot get my attention because intimacy terrifies me. I would rather give of my body than my mind and spirit. Perish the thought. I do not want to connect emotionally so I purposefully date men that are void of emotions. I will tell friends and family I want to connect emotionally to keep up appearances. But quite honestly I don’t want to. I want to love him so I don’t have to love him. I love the challenge he presents to me. Women love a project. I don’t want the self-made man I want the man I have to build from scratch. And let me tell you they are rugged. They could care less about my issues because they smell my desperation a mile away. There are no victims, only volunteers. I signed up for the mess that ensues in my fake relationships. Relationship, of course, is the operative word.
Why won’t we deal with our issues first? Deal with past transgressions so we can move past the past and move into the present with a clear conscious. One of the reason I had a hard time read Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man was ecause like the men he described in the book I need to get my house in order first. I refused to do that I wanted to settle and keep dating men that did not love me and never would love me because I didn’t want to love me plain and simple. You can’t keep running away. All my friends male and female would say learn to love you. Why couldn’t I do that? Why was it so hard? It was hard because I wanted to continue to volunteer for the nonsense. I wanted to continue to beat a dead horse. He would love me, he had to look how good I was to him. Yet he couldn’t he knew he wasn’t right for me but why couldn’t I see that for myself. Why did it take him just ignoring me for me to stop and take a break from dating to focus on me.
I was so enamored by him I would have done anything to be with him. I did not care about esteem, control, or respect. All I wanted was him. He did not deserve my love, affection, and time yet I was going to force feed it to him anyway. Thankfully, divine intervention saved me from myself. Ladies stop drowning in desperation. No one wants that stench on them and you shouldn’t either. You are not a victim. These men are the job you volunteered for. Your performance more than showed you wanted to be disrespect so don’t bother blaming the men you chose. It is about onus. The onus is on us ladies we keep taking ourselves for granted. And more importantly, we don’t take ourselves seriously. We poke fun at ourselves. You may not know your worth but you know when enough is enough. Or do you?
Now getting back to me this epiphany has me spinning around and around. But not in circles it has me at a stand still right where my journey continues on the path of self love. So I walk down this path more aware and motivated then ever. It feels good loving somebody and knowing I love me back. I love me. I am happy with me.
I am really in a good headspace. I mean I still have my down moments but it is not because I am allowing some emotionally unavailable man suck the life out of me. Every day a new experience breathes new life into me. I wake up and read an affirmation and keep it moving. I stay motivated to better myself. Yes I want a companion but right now I need a friend. Just an acquaintance, then develop into a solid friendship and then maybe if we vibe right intimacy. But in that exact order I am taking my time.
Taking time out for me so there is no rush. Are you emotionally unavailable? Are you willing to work on yourself to move away from settling for emotionally unavailable men? Share your thoughts below.