He Likes It, But That Doesn’t Mean He’ll Put a Ring on It!

Single Ladies I need you front and center. I need you to pull out your notebooks and take plenty of notes for this blog post. I was on essence.com reading one of Paul Carrick Brunson post. You know the modern day matchmaker, anyway he is always wrting excellent posts. This particular one was reasons why he won’t marry you.

Playing House

Ladies many of us treat our boyfriends like our husbands because in our mind we believe we are the one. We cook, clean, and everything for him. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? Not to mention many men carry the philosophy if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it philosophy. Don’t put all your cards down at once. Hold back a little. Make him wait.

He Said No, You’re Not Listening

He said no to the idea of marriage in the beginning and you think you can change his mind. Well ladies you cannot, his mind is made up if it changes it is because of him not anything you may have done. Ladies we have to learn to listen really listen to what he says not just what we want to hear.

You Are a Liability

When a man considers a woman to be his wife he is thinking she should be an asset. Definitely, not a liability, it could be one too many children, muddled in debt, or even other things that he does not want to take responsibility for.

You Are a Nag

You whine, whine and all he hears is blah, blah, blah! Talk to him not at him. A man doesn’t want to feel like his relationship is a mother-child relationship. Where all you do is get after him about things you feel he is not doing. Lay-off or he will walk off with your ring and give it to someone else.

He Doesn’t Respect Your Boundaries

In the beginning you set certain boundaries in place, i.e., a 90 day rule, or you are waiting for marriage, and/or you would not tolerate certain behavior. He bullied his way through of your rules and most importantly you did not enforce these rules by sticking to your boundaries. Why should he respect them if you don’t?

He is a Commitment Phobic

Ladies if you have a commitment phobic then you have a problem on your hands that only a therapist can handle so call in reinforcement’s honey. This is not something you can tackle alone.

You Don’t Need Him

Ladies a man wants to feel needed. He wants to feel like you need him in your life. Never be too independent that you don’t need a man or you will be single for the rest of your life. Granted he wants you to stand firm on your own two feet but make some room for him. Include him in your decision making, yes even in the financial department, make him feel apart of the team. Remember there is no I in team.

You Are His Good Time Girl

You are fun to play with but not good enough to meet the family. This is a tale-tell sign that you are definitely are not getting a ring. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you but it definitely means your time together has an ever approaching expiration date. Your days are numbered sweetie.

His Other Woman Doesn’t Like You

His Mom, Aunt, Sister, or any other close female in his life is not fond of you. No matter how old he is the opinion of any of these women matter to him. I used to date a man who’s mother could not stand me in the beginning so to get to know me for his sake at first she would invite me over to her house without him so we could connect. Which worked perfectly we got along famously even stayed in contact years later. If he is The One work on repairing things with the other woman in his life. Don’t brownnoses be genuine in your approach? Make it work!

He’s Not Ready

Sometimes we get caught up with the sound of our biological clock ticking, or thinking we have reached the age where we should have been married so we want to speed up the clock and our man just isn’t ready yet. Be patient with him I don’t mean wait around forever but talk to him about you desires in a way he can hear you without any nagging. Contemplate things from his perspective as well marriage is a big step and definitely shouldn’t be rushed.

 

Ladies are you waiting for that ring? Wondering why you still don’t have it? Check out these tips and maybe you or the fellas can suggest some more I may have missed. Share your thoughts below.

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13 thoughts on “He Likes It, But That Doesn’t Mean He’ll Put a Ring on It!

  1. Which of these descriptions describes the author of LQ? What Mr Brunson posted is basic knowledge…:/ Steve said it best “Act like a lady…THINK like a MAN.

      • I’m not saying that the ‘hints’ and ‘tips’ you had were bad ones but this one obvious thing stood out for me. It’s assumed that he’s supposed to put a ring on her finger if he’s gonna keep her… but more, ah, modern thinking says the ring isn’t necessary… and being married isn’t an easy thing for people to pull off because that’s usually when you find out a whole lot of stuff about the person you married and some of it ain’t too cool… and now you’re stuck with each other until the divorce happens.

        Here’s another one I just thought of if she’s trying to get that ring: Don’t try to change him. Obviously, there was something about him that brought the two of you together; yet, women – and more than men, I think – want to mold their guy into someone that matches an idea in her head… but that’s also someone he can never be. If she shows, before the fact, that she’s gonna let him be the man he feels he needs to be, then she might get that ring because he’ll see the need to do it and not because it’s something she expects him to do.

        Oh, before I forget. That whole “why by the cow when you can get the milk free” thing is bullshit because there’s no such thing as a free lunch. Thus, even if he’s not gonna put a ring on that finger, the milk ain’t free – he still has to pay for it in other ways.

        Besides, you get a better ROI when you buy the whole cow…

    • He is not obligated to put a ring on it. That is fact number 1. This is where a woman’s boundaries come into play. If she is clear on her desire to be married, she realizes she is not obligated to stick around and entertain an involvment where the man’s philosophy is he is not obligated to her. Even if her feelings are deep and she truly cares for him, her best interest are to leave this involvment. It will never turn into marriage or anything committed and true. “modern thinking says the ring isn’t necessary” is just another way to say it’s not necessary to buy the cow. What a QUALITY man sees as wifey material is a strong woman, who 1) decides how she wants to be treated, 2) choose what she will and will not tolerate, 3) leaves if she doesn’t get what she want, and 4) will never trade her dignity and self respect for any relationship.

      • Yet he can see all those things and be committed to her… without the ring. The ring is symbolic; some believe the ring connotates ownership, that the wearer is the possession of the person who put that ring on that finger; not sure how women feel about this one in general but most women I know refuse to be owned or treated like a possession. Some men I know believe that if they put a ring on that finger, she is theirs to do with as he pleases, something else some women ain’t feeling.

        What’s being said in this? By requiring a ring on that finger, are women saying that this materialist – and often expensive – item is proof of love and commitment? That she has a price attached and due to have her love and affection? I just know too many couples who are happy in love and no ring is required or, in their opinion, necessary because they don’t need it to prove that they love each other.

        And then, how many women demand that ring and get it… Then find themselves wishing they never got it or that wearing it doesn’t mean what she thought it meant? Women worry about their dignity and I get that… but is that ring really the price they’re willing to accept even though they are putting their dignity at risk by entrusting it to someone else? And, without any offense to any women, I once heard a guy say that a woman who is demanding that ring is really whoring herself to get it. It offended me and every woman within earshot of him – they tore him a new one, by the way, and I think he deserved it. But what if he was right (and I sure as hell didn’t think he was)? Does your dignity and self respect have a price and it comes in the form of a multi-caret, four- or five-figure piece of jewelry?

        Think about that one for a moment and busting my ass will get you nowhere; I’m just asking the questions that maybe you should be asking before demanding he put a ring on it… or is that through it? Exactly how much does the cow cost?

        You wanna prove your commitment? All you have to do is do the work that must be done to maintain the relationship or, bluntly, do all that shit you said you’d do if the guy will commit himself to you. And if the commitment is there, is the ring necessary… or is it really the price of the cow, so to speak? What means more to you: idealistic symbolism or knowing that you are being loved and cherished?

        Any responses to this should be interesting…

  2. Interesting post, I just wrote an article with certain tips one of which was “Know your role” too many times men communicate with us and we hear what we want to hear. If he doesn’t want to commit to us because of a fear of commitment due to past experiences, we as women need to hear that and understand that. In hearing that, we need to act the role that he wants us to play. If he doesn’t want to commit, act as if you’re the friend who’s too good to do anything. No you don’t cook, no you don’t cater, you treat him as one of the boys and you leave. He’ll have a problem eventually, but he set the rules you’re only playing alone.

    Nice read!

  3. A lot has been written about why men don’t commit to women. The articles are very popular. The problem is oftentimes, they make it seem like women are necessarily doing something wrong and we should be trying harder to keep a man. On the flip side, maybe men need to change and recognize that a good woman is hard to find AND perhaps instead of women trying to change their behavior to hold on to them, more women should raise their standards and hold out for a man who loves and accepts us as is – flaws and all. these same men who won’t “put a ring on it,” a good number of them are not life partner/ husband material. through desperation, we see what we want to see. Hey, if he doesn’t want you, another man will. Men need to step up and change.

  4. this post is lovely. Women need to understand that a man is not obligated to commit to them as much as they aren’t obligated to do the same. As you said, LISTEN!! One thing that gets to me is how women react to men when they say they don’t want to get married. It’s his choice. If you want to, leave him and find someone who is willing to(this is in a case where it was stated from the beginning). I will continue to read your material

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