Tired of the Angry Black Man

Are you tired of dating bitter black men?Men that have been crushed emotionally who decide to spit their venom back at you. A woman tries to be good to you and as soon as she makes a mistake in your eyes you are ready to dismiss her. Anger is a healthy emotion when someone hurts you it is ok to be anger not bitter.

So many of my brothers have been hurt and are taking it out on good sisters. This twisted affection is used as a defense mechanism. She gives all her love unconditionally and yours comes with stipulations. It is time to grow up and talk about what is really bothering you my brothers. Walking around with an enormous chip on your shoulder will not suffice. You have to communicate your feelings and not withhold them from your mate. She is not superwoman she is human and makes mistakes and surprisingly so do you. So now what you are bitter because of your past you let a good woman get away and wonder why you are by yourself. How is that for contradiction?This is the first time I have written in my emotion. Usually I cry it out but I am all cried out. I am tired of being the fall guy for the indiscretions of another woman who did not care. I am being punished for caring when I love I love hard. But before I become a bitter black woman I will move on. It will hurt but I cannot stay joined to someone who is so angry. Fickle love is fleeting. You do not care about my tears I hurt you so they are well deserved. You systematically shut me out and then wonder why I walk off. I can only take so many blows till your anger knocks me out cold.

In my past I settled for what I can get just for the sake of saying I had a man. Settling is no longer an option. We cannot discuss what is really bothering you leaving her defenseless and having you constantly attacking her verbally breaking her spirit. As much as I have been through I probably should never give love a chance ever again but I know I am a queen worthy of a king who will not want to crush me ever. Who would hurt to know he hurt me? Not someone who feels like hitting me when I am already down. I messed up and we need to get past it together. Sometimes we hold in things when they happen versus addressing them head on. We allow our anger to fester and then explode. Bi-polar love is never successful one minute you want her and the next you don’t. It is a numbing experience.

Love has hurt you my brother you need time to heal. I cannot heal your broken heart from past hurt. I am not your superwoman as much as I want to rescue you I cannot save someone who wants to drown in misery. I love you but I love me more. I need a man who can verbalize how he feels whether disappointed or happy. One who can talk to me a friend in both good and bad times and love me unconditionally. Yes we are a host of imperfections but still worth loving as are you. Sometimes brothers you are so angry that you banish love and do not feel deserving of her. When she tries to comfort you, you shun her for misery is your comforting bedfellow. It is a sad state of affairs. Do you want to spend all your time being bitter and angry leaving you all alone?

You cannot blame one woman for what another woman has done. I have not been in a serious relationship in eight years and I have learned so much about myself and love. I refuse to settle for an angry black man. I am sorry she hurt you but I just want to love you. At the end of the day we both have to bring something worthy to the table. If anger is all you have then I am moving on from you. Love you from a distance I do not want to be numb the man for me is out there and will not subject me to such abuse. He will accept my pure and unadulterated love. And when I piss him off we will discuss he will not shut down on me emotionally. We will disagree but we will do it without defaming one another. Without attacking one another. Without scarring one another. And sometimes we will just agree to disagree. Fight fair!

I want a successful relationship set on a strong foundation I want to communicate my feelings and allow you to communicate yours. My brother you deserve to be happy whether you believe it or not. Yes she hurt you but now you are hurting me does that appease you taking your anger on an innocent love. You cannot allow me to love you if you feel unworthy.

Are you dating a bitter black man?
How is that working for you? Share your thoughts below.


5 thoughts on “Tired of the Angry Black Man

  1. As a man who has known that bitterness – but conquered it – if he’s bitter, it’s a good bet some woman made him that way and while our intelligence tells us that we shouldn’t be bitter and confirms for us that the next one that comes along isn’t going to be like that last one, well, it’s kinda hard to make our emotions agree with this logic. I have learned that men and women punish a current partner for the sins of those who came before them. It doesn’t make sense to do this because all it does is poison what could be a great relationship and all because we can’t get past what has happened in the past.

    And while some of us are smart enough – and emotionally stable enough – to know not to carry that emotional baggage forward with us, memory is both a fantastic thing and a pain in the ass because it’s easy for someone to do something that the last person did that hurt us – and then assume that the new person’s trying to do the same thing… even though the new person had no idea that they’ve just created a storm of negative emotions.

    That’s why you communicate; you get all that shit out in the open because while the new person in your life can’t do anything about what has already happened, they can help you heal and, importantly, they now know what not to do to cause the pain and bitterness to return.

    You can’t just up and forget stuff like that – no one can – so invoking “the past should stay in the past” doesn’t quite cut it. When faced with a new partner with much bitterness in their hearts, your job – if your feelings are as deep and as good as you feel they are – is to ‘prove’ to them that you ain’t that last dude or girl and that despite what they may think, thing can be better in the here and now.

    It’s really a trust issue, isn’t it? Once we’ve had our trust and faith (and a few other things) dashed to the rocks, we are not only bitter and angry about it but we become leery and reluctant to do so again: We let our fears make us foolish and that will trash any relationship.

    So what do you do with the bitter man or woman? Run away from them? Declare that you have no time for such drama and turn your back on them even though your feelings are telling you that you should stay with this person because there is much good in them?

    • If you encounter the bitter man or woman, absolutely declare you have no time for such drama. Turn and go the other way. Immediately. There may be some good in them, but it is not your job to make that person want to do better. It has to come from within themselves. As I’ve learned through great blogs such as “BaggageReclaim.com”, great teachers such as Iyanla Vanzant, and Eckhart Tolle, the bitter person is not interested in changing into a better partner just because you see something good in them. It absolutely does not serve you well to stick around an ass hoping they will come to their senses and morph into the man or woman you see them to be. Your self esteem and dignity absolutely deserves the person who absolutely loves, respects, and cares for, and adores you without the drama as a prerequisite.

  2. Pingback: With Love, You Always Have a Choice: Love and The Commitment of Change (Part 2) |

  3. I am so glad to read this post. I dearly loved an angry black man for I will never date another black man again. 4 years, and it turned out to be a total disaster. I didn’t know to recognize his treatment towards me as anger. I believed his nastiness, and poor behavior, and even poorer relationship skills were all my fault. So I spent 4 years of my life walking on egg shells, apologizing for every thing I didnt do perfectly, feeling like I wasnt good enought, telling myself he behaved they way he did because I wasnt good enough, allowing myself to be verbally abused, sexually and emotionally exploited and used. Because I was so lost in my unconsciousness and my inability to recognize just how unhealthy this involvement was, I stayed for 4 years. I hoped he would see how much I loved him and wouldnt do anything to hurt him.

  4. I will never allow myself to love another black man. It just not worth the risk of possible finding the one good one that may exist. Every black man just wants someone to use, abuse with their anger, throw out some crumbs of affection to, not be required to be supportive to, and then leave when they are “through” with you. The angry black man’s whole agenda is to crush your spirit, break your heart, destroy your self esteem, step on and shit on your dignity, completely suck the joy out of your life, then leave you when there is nothing left to hurt.

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