Can a relationship survive without an argument?

Is arguing a natural part of every relationship? Arguing in a relationship is one of those things I detest. I always felt like arguing always leads to a physical altercation. I do not like to argue because I feel like I cannot think when a verbal exchange goes awry. Yet I am learning daily that an argument is a necessary evil.

I feel like you have to argue every now and then as long as it is a clean fight. No name calling or hitting below the belt. I think the problem with arguing is we don’t want to be vulnerable so we fight dirty. Instead of saying when you yell at me about wanting to go out with my friends it makes me feel like you don’t respect our time apart we say you are too controlling and possessive. We are often afraid to say how we truly feel. How will our needs ever get met if we never say what we really want?

I believe that arguing is a natural part of every relationship. It is natural because we don’t always communicate our feelings very well. Let me give you another example my boyfriend would have an issue with me going to bars, social clubs, or anywhere else to do poetry. Instead of telling me this he would argue with me every time I went to do a show. Now I could have said you are being selfish and getting in the way of my dream. But I fell on my sword and said to him these are the places where these shows are held you are more than welcome to come along and watch me perform there. We are not perfect but I have learned how to fight fair. I have learned that talking about how I really feel helps us tremendously.

We still have arguments like other couples but the goal is always the same to get our needs met in a fair way. I think the key to less arguing is more communicating how you feel about various issues. Don’t be afraid to bring them up don’t wait till all hell breaks loose to come out with guns blazing. It is not fair to either of you always if you have to argue keep it clean. You are only allowed to talk about what is bothering you in that moment. Don’t rehash old fights it takes away from the matter at hand.  If you cannot keep it clean then keep silent until cooler heads prevail. You have to be willing to listen in a way that you are receptive to what your mate is saying.

 

Does arguing feel unnatural to you? Why or why not? How do you fight? Share your thoughts below.

 

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The Difficulty of being Faithful

Why is being faithful so difficult? For some of us being faithful is innate it is in our DNA the thought of straying doesn’t enter your mind like it does for someone like me. I don’t want to go against the grain but somehow temptation is harder to fight for those like me. Some cheat simply because they can or do it because they do not know how to conduct life without someone on the side. 

Being loyal just doesn’t come natural to some of us. We tried it and it just did not work out for whatever reason. I am not justifying our actions by any means just trying to get a better understanding of why we do what we do. I find faithfulness like patience as a virtue I have not fully grasped.  I know it is not right but I always have this fear in the back of my mind like he is cheating too. I just believe that since I struggle with being loyal that it must be difficult for him too. Now if I really narrowed it down I would say I cheat for three reasons lack of my man’s attention, emotional needs aren’t being met, and simply the fear of trusting my heart to any man. I know by admitting this it may mean that no man will trust me but I guess that is a risk I am willing to take.

Since we are being honest here is a little bit of truth for you I have been in a situation where my man gave me everything I wanted but I still longed to be somewhere else.  I always get caught up in these situations where the last man was emotionally unavailable so I went on to being with someone who was emotionally giving. Someone that was not afraid to show love for me.  Someone that was actually proud to have me on his arm.  Yet for some reason I sought out someone else to fill a void I needed a Plan B. I was not comfortable resting my laurels or eggs in one basket.

If I were truly honest I would admit I often settle for Plan A because Plan B did not work in my favor. My disloyal ways are both egregious and unfair. I know that word Karma is floating around in there somewhere.  But I am not afraid of what she has in store for me because I know I rightfully deserve it. My sis Jazz said if I get a good Plan A then I won’t need a Plan B. I cannot be faithful until I stop settling. I guess that means being single for a little bit longer to be able to truly introspect and define what I want and need.

Do you struggle with being faithful? Why is being faithful such a struggle? Share your thoughts below.