Is arguing a natural part of every relationship? Arguing in a relationship is one of those things I detest. I always felt like arguing always leads to a physical altercation. I do not like to argue because I feel like I cannot think when a verbal exchange goes awry. Yet I am learning daily that an argument is a necessary evil.
I feel like you have to argue every now and then as long as it is a clean fight. No name calling or hitting below the belt. I think the problem with arguing is we don’t want to be vulnerable so we fight dirty. Instead of saying when you yell at me about wanting to go out with my friends it makes me feel like you don’t respect our time apart we say you are too controlling and possessive. We are often afraid to say how we truly feel. How will our needs ever get met if we never say what we really want?
I believe that arguing is a natural part of every relationship. It is natural because we don’t always communicate our feelings very well. Let me give you another example my boyfriend would have an issue with me going to bars, social clubs, or anywhere else to do poetry. Instead of telling me this he would argue with me every time I went to do a show. Now I could have said you are being selfish and getting in the way of my dream. But I fell on my sword and said to him these are the places where these shows are held you are more than welcome to come along and watch me perform there. We are not perfect but I have learned how to fight fair. I have learned that talking about how I really feel helps us tremendously.
We still have arguments like other couples but the goal is always the same to get our needs met in a fair way. I think the key to less arguing is more communicating how you feel about various issues. Don’t be afraid to bring them up don’t wait till all hell breaks loose to come out with guns blazing. It is not fair to either of you always if you have to argue keep it clean. You are only allowed to talk about what is bothering you in that moment. Don’t rehash old fights it takes away from the matter at hand. If you cannot keep it clean then keep silent until cooler heads prevail. You have to be willing to listen in a way that you are receptive to what your mate is saying.
Does arguing feel unnatural to you? Why or why not? How do you fight? Share your thoughts below.