The Difficulty of being Faithful

Why is being faithful so difficult? For some of us being faithful is innate it is in our DNA the thought of straying doesn’t enter your mind like it does for someone like me. I don’t want to go against the grain but somehow temptation is harder to fight for those like me. Some cheat simply because they can or do it because they do not know how to conduct life without someone on the side. 

Being loyal just doesn’t come natural to some of us. We tried it and it just did not work out for whatever reason. I am not justifying our actions by any means just trying to get a better understanding of why we do what we do. I find faithfulness like patience as a virtue I have not fully grasped.  I know it is not right but I always have this fear in the back of my mind like he is cheating too. I just believe that since I struggle with being loyal that it must be difficult for him too. Now if I really narrowed it down I would say I cheat for three reasons lack of my man’s attention, emotional needs aren’t being met, and simply the fear of trusting my heart to any man. I know by admitting this it may mean that no man will trust me but I guess that is a risk I am willing to take.

Since we are being honest here is a little bit of truth for you I have been in a situation where my man gave me everything I wanted but I still longed to be somewhere else.  I always get caught up in these situations where the last man was emotionally unavailable so I went on to being with someone who was emotionally giving. Someone that was not afraid to show love for me.  Someone that was actually proud to have me on his arm.  Yet for some reason I sought out someone else to fill a void I needed a Plan B. I was not comfortable resting my laurels or eggs in one basket.

If I were truly honest I would admit I often settle for Plan A because Plan B did not work in my favor. My disloyal ways are both egregious and unfair. I know that word Karma is floating around in there somewhere.  But I am not afraid of what she has in store for me because I know I rightfully deserve it. My sis Jazz said if I get a good Plan A then I won’t need a Plan B. I cannot be faithful until I stop settling. I guess that means being single for a little bit longer to be able to truly introspect and define what I want and need.

Do you struggle with being faithful? Why is being faithful such a struggle? Share your thoughts below.

 

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7 thoughts on “The Difficulty of being Faithful

  1. I agree with Jazz, you know your settling and you still hang in it, just to not be alone. All the while, lying and cheating. Doing the same things that was done to you. You know that hurt and felt it yet you feel so comfortable dishing it out?

    Singlehood is where you need to be. Until you find someone you haven’t settle for.

  2. My question to you is are you sure settling is at the heart of the issue of not being faithful? I hope that you understand that being faithful – keeping only unto yourself – is an ideal and one that almost everyone on the planet is taught and tries to adhere to… and it just doesn’t and/or can’t work for everyone.

    Maybe you’re forever searching for The One who can take care of every single need you have and will ever have and I have to ask if you really and seriously believe that such a person exists outside of your thoughts. If you want to be faithful, you need some serious introspective examination to find out exactly what it is about you that makes you do this since it seems to bother you that you can’t be faithful.

    In this, it makes me wonder why some people just can’t accept the fact that they cannot hold up to the ideal of one man/one woman and simply because it’s not for them to do. They fail to accept this and then continue to frustrate themselves trying to do something that they just can’t do. The really big thing isn’t that someone’s unfaithful – it’s why they are.

    I’m not saying that you’re flawed, are in the wrong, stuff like that. I’m just saying you need to really think about this, figure out why you can’t do this, and then do what you gotta do to allow yourself to do this… if you really want to do this. Otherwise, as Sunny says, you need to be single and maybe stay single because the dream of that good, sound, and strong relationship may not be realized any time soon.

    I do know that one reason why some people can’t be faithful is that they spend more time thinking about what’s best for themselves instead of what would be best for the relationship – this ain’t necessarily one and the same.

    I hope you figure it out…

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  5. I struggle with the article because I am unsure what you mean by faithful and cheating. In addition I struggle, due to the lack of clarity, with the point you are trying to make.

    I assume you equate faithful with loyalty and cheating as being not loyal. In your article you state that being faithful is innate in our DNA and I disagree. To begin with in biblical times women were property of their fathers and were sold into marriage. Using a strict biblical definition of adultery it means a married woman having sex with a man who is not her husband. This means, in a very strict biblical definition, that a man regardless if he was married could have sex with any woman provided she was not married. It was not until around 300 AD that the Catholic Church changed the rules. In addition there is mounting biological, sociological, and psychological research showing humans, like 98% of the mammals, are not monogamous.

    Because I struggle understanding your point, I am going to assume you are taking the point that monogamy, both physical and emotional, is the only correct position to take? If this is the case then I would argue it is you have not considered all possibilities since you equate faithfulness with loyalty. Having has a few threesomes and couple cuckolding experiences in my time, I can emphatically state after 20+ years of marriage that we are still faithful, loyal, to each other. The fact that we have had a few other people into our bedroom does not mean we care any less for each other or that some how our relationship is any less special. Instead I would argue it makes it more special. This would mean, your statement, “I do know that one reason why some people can’t be faithful is that they spend more time thinking about what’s best for themselves instead of what would be best for the relationship – this ain’t necessarily one and the same,” is contrary to my experience since by putting our relationship a head of our own needs, we have been able to keep our relationship going.

    Finally, I want to be clear I am not advocating my life as a lifestyle choice for everyone. Instead, I am using it to highlight that you have not considered all aspects of your question and that there are other situations where the alternative can work. Also, I am using my life as an example to highlight loyalty does not necessarily have to mean an exclusive monogamous relationship but one that can allow a few indulgences along the way.

  6. I’m 32 and married with 3 children. While I have always been faithful to my husband I will say it’s not always easy to be. When I was younger I cheated on most boyfriends and I’m not even sure why. I was happy with them, sexually satisfied and treated well but it didn’t seem like a big deal to me then. I was very attractive and there was no shortage of willing men. Not to day that I slept around because that was not the case, but I did stray. Since I have been married I have not cheated to any extent, however, I do find myself thinking about it quite often. I’m still attractive and many men pay attention to me. I’m not sure if I just suck at giving into temptation or I’m too impulsive. I love my husband and he is a great man. Most of the time our relationship is wonderful. I have for the most part just kept my distance from other men all together since I’ve been with him but it’s hard to do that at work. I’m also very outgoing and a bit of a flirt but have not considered acting on it until a few months ago. There is a man at work who is also married with children and the two of us have flirted for the last few months. We have worked together for years but the flirting is recent. I don’t imagine myself in a real relationship with him at all but would really really like to have sex with him. I do have morals and would never want to hurt my husband or this man’s family and I don’t know why after having been with my husband for 13 years, I want to have sex with someone else. I never thought I would cheat on my husband and I was never ok with being with a man who was in a relationship with someone else. Yet recently I’m completely consumed with the fact that I really just want to have sex with my coworker. I would like to think I would never act on it but to be honest, I’m nervous that I may someday. I know you’re thinking “how can you love your husband if you have these thoughts and how can you be a moral person if you’re thinking about sleeping with a married man?” Honestly I have no idea. I feel consumed with guilt over it even though I haven’t acted on anything and I know I would be devastated if my marriage failed. Has anyone ever had anything like this happen? I’m lost and not sure what to do. Obviously not cheat would be number one but I’m worried that if I can’t stop thinking about sleeping with this other man that I will eventually give in to temptation.

  7. I not going to say my name but I have been being faithful but it is really hard when my partner doesn’t show me any attention or doesn’t want to kiss me or hug or cuddle it’s hard when I know there is another man that will I have two kids that’s not his he been helping raising them for over 6 years I love him couldn’t imagine myself with out him but sometime I get tempted to cheat for that affection what should I do in a situation like this not to mention he is very bossy and says nasty things to me all the time

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