Letter to Wifey

Side Note: The Woman’s Worth series is about a dialogue between women. This week’s is addressing the tale of two women, the main woman and the other woman. Here is my take on being the other woman in a man’s life. Share your thoughts below.


Dear Wifey,

Hello, how are you? I hope that this letter finds you in good spirits.

Unfortunately, I would like to air out some grievances that I have with you. This is a conversation woman to woman; so please respond with an open mind. Some things I say here may shed light on the truth of our ugly situation.

First, let me introduce myself; I am the other woman in your man’s life. I am here because he invited me here. I am his woman on the side and I am quite content with that. I get what I want from this relationship and, contrary to popular belief, our relationship revolves around more than just sex. I am not here to judge you, so I ask you to stop judging me. People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

Now that I have gotten the pleasantries out the way, let’s get down to business. I am not some scandalous hood-rat running around on a mission to take someone’s man. I am a woman just like you and I am angry because somehow everyone wants to throw dirt on my name by labeling me a jump-off as a means of demeaning and devaluing me. I am a woman that knows what she wants and that is a relationship with no strings attached. Unfortunately, often I have been erroneously named a jump-off when, often, there is no woman to speak of in his life. Now that is not fair! Why can’t we just be friends with benefits?

Why should I apologize for making an informed decision to be the woman whom he consensually decides to be intimate with? Did it ever occur to you that I was here long before the thought of you was even conjured up? Now ruminate on those questions, if you will. I do not want this to be a scathing letter to you. But woman to woman, I pity you; at least I truly know who he is and what he represents. He is not deceiving me with his lies. Let’s face facts; I know more about him than you do.

Everyone wants to label me as the one who ruined your relationship. Well, what about your man? He chose me. Believe it or not, I was minding my own business when he came along and let me add without any mention of you.  Once I knew about you, I stepped back; but he pursued me even more aggressively. I tried to remain strong in my position, but girl you know how convincing he is.  So he was able to reel me in and bring me back into his world.
Despite what you think, I am more than
his girl on the side. He tells me everything: his heartache, pain, his goals. I support him in all his endeavors; I never spoil his dreams or his fun. I know my place and I stay in my lane. I do not want to fill your shoes. To be honest, I do not want to commit to a liar and a cheater. If he cared so much, he would care enough to leave before ever cheating at all.

I want you to walk in my shoes and see things through my eyes. We had a relationship that worked perfectly until he decided two was better than one.  The emphasis was on “he decided”.  Initially, this was supposed to be a situation where there were no strings attached. Yet, he managed to attach himself to me and I fell for him. I like what I have; I enjoy our stolen moments and do not ask for anything more. I am aware of who you are and whose you are. You belong to him not I.  I can leave at any time. Yet, he will not allow me to move on. He is so selfish that if he cannot have me, no one can.

I am closing this letter now. I have said more than enough. I hope that, by this point in the letter, you understand my plight a little better. And although we never are going to be allies, maybe you can at least sympathize with me a little and understand why I stayed with him despite you coming along.


19 thoughts on “Letter to Wifey

  1. I just found this blog and wanted to share my little story, but it comes down to this – I can’t believe I was so stupid.

    SO, I was out with my girlfriends a couple years ago in Amherst at the High Horse, and I see this really attractive couple from across the way. The guy, his name was Mike, is KILLER, like he looks just like Tom Cruise’s wingman out of Top Gun, a surfer type, like, right? And this bombshell girl with him, who I later find out is his WIFE, promptly leaves almost as soon as they get there. Well, eventually he starts flirting with all of us, and as it ends up, we talk for like 2 or 3 hours. I MEAN, you have to understand, the guy is GORGEOUS! You see, so of course we all question him about the girl he came in with, and he tells us that this was his sister, and since she was younger and just starting grad school, he was just showing her around town. I noticed that they never did actually touch or even act that romantic at ALL, so with a few drinks in us all of us girls bought it. I’ve only done this one other time, but I end up taking him home and sleeping with him for a one-night stand, and he was so romantic and suave, said he was a football coach at a local school, and he loved teaching (WHICH IS WHAT I WAS IN SCHOOL FOR). Turns out the tool really WAS married (I verified it way later through social media), he was just in town for a few days, and he was on a crusade to get what he could. I have a feeling that once he saw all of us younger ladies, that he told his wife to go home and that he was gonna stay out with some of his other football friends. The fucker’s last name was something weird, like Raskevitch or Raskevitz. I’ve tried not to think about how this Michael Raskevitz dude really fucked me up, but a lot of this just came swirling back up when I saw this blog.

    Ladies remember: if you ever see a really hot guy with another really hot girl, chances are SHE IS NOT HIS SISTER!

    • My husband moved to California to be with another woman. I felt my life was over and my kids thought they would never see their father again. i tried to be strong just for the kids but i could not control the pains that torments my heart, my heart was filled with sorrows and pains because i was really in love with my husband. Every day and night i cried but while i was browsing i saw a comment about_____________________{{ Robinsonbuckler@ yahoo. com }} how he restored someone’s relationship, i contact him and told him my problem and after 24 hours, my Husband came back and promised never to leave me again……

  2. WOW
    That is so constant these days and goes with all due respect being a guy i ll just say, guys tend to do that quiet very often and that is indeed really very mean. They are eyes are easily caught by women around and having that little dominating and egoistic touch they tend to manipulate the situation and turn up conversations as per their needs. To deal with such men women need to turn up to be mean and clever and that is what i try to help them with on http://www.meandate.com

  3. Interesting letter, but I’ll never understand why a woman would continue to sleep with a man after she finds out he’s married. A cheating liar is not attractive at all.

  4. I’ll be sharing a story… I grew up with a play boy dad…and there was this deadly scenario that I will never forget.It happened on my 6th birthday. It was when papa went hope too early…6 AM…his reason …traffic. It was my birthday and i’m really expecting him to be at home the night before the party. The deadly scenario started when mama asked him what had happened the whole night…Papa answered mama ” back off or I will punch you” with his answer…Mama shouted at the top of her lungs and hurriedly went to the kitchen, got a knife and ran toward papa…luckily papa had closed the door. My younger brother who is 4 years old then…cried a river…while I the birthday celebrant had no reaction at all.And every time I would remember what had happened, it is my younger brother’s crying that I hear as if it is happening at the very moment. I grew up with there fights because of papa’s women. The latest that made me make a stand was when He arrived from work (by the way he is a seaman) with his bag pack only. He said that he had forgotten or had misplaced his attache-case. He handed me his cellphone as we walked to the parking lot. And being very curios I opened his cellphone and checked his inbox…but no messages were saved. I looked at his contacts and there i saw names of different women…one named Lovely, the other Honey, and there is also..Princess,Heart etc. I got the number of the one named Princess. And texted her, and said I am also the other woman of his lover. She also introduced herself to me. And was very shocked of her confession. She said that my father wanted to have a child with her. With teary eyes…this is exactly what i told her in response to her confession ” Princess we both know that he has a family…he has three children. He may recognize your child as his but the reality is the child that you will have with him is illegitimate. what would be the reaction of his children to your would be child. He might accept him but his children will never be happy that your would be child is alive. I know that you have loved him, but think about what would happen to your would be child with him.” The conversation via text happened while I was in the library doing my assignment in pharmacology. I received a message from her while I’m on my way home. And this was her reply ” MyLene (I changed my name when i texted her) thank you, for the enlightenment. I had made a decision.” The following week, we attended a wedding and as everyone were having their stories…papa broke the noise with… “Someone told me that I had two handsome sons and a very ugly daughter.” That made the whole table where we were seated silent, my aunt shouted and said “oh, she (pertaining to me) had a very beautiful eyes. Then we all continued our eating. I never took the “very ugly daughter” seriously, it was just lately after 5 years of full abandonment ( he did not let me finish BS Pharmacy, No contacts at all, No financial assistance, I’m with Mama living with my aunt, my two handsome brother were the ones who were very well taken cared of by my grandmother). I may not be enjoying what my brothers are having right now, but I know deep in my heart that I had saved a soul. At 28…I’m taking up Bachelor in Elementary Education Major in Course Content. And with the degree I’m wanting to have now. I’m planning to have a life in just being a teacher. Mama may never be always around but her silent teachings will always be remembered. They say that experience is the best teacher. But learning from the experience of others will save a life.
    There are still questions in my head…there are these insecurities, mistrust, commitment issues that i really want to overcome.

  5. Marriage is something people have to work at to keep the “spark” lit.

    But you have to know that men tell their mistresses the wife is the problem – because let’s face it, putting the blame on the wife is the most
    convenient lie he can tell.

    He’s not going to tell the truth – I’m cheating because I’m greedy, needy, lack integrity and am never satisfied. Cheaters cheat just like thieves steal. And it makes no difference to them who they cheat on.

    This may be an interesting letter but I cannot understand why you have to keep a relationship with a man who you know is already married.

  6. so, you just want the goodie or of him while i wash his socks and underwear, take care of his house his money and his kids, basically do all the work while You ho stupid bitch get all the glory, because you you poor unenlightened whore (who’s by your own words been around since time began ) have the audacity to “enlighten ME” all you are is a YES woman to a man that will pay attention to you with no strings..I Have plenty of strings, my home my children’s feelings my reputation as a woman and MY SELF RESPECT!! So just stop with your common whore line of “come be with me bullshit!” your no more than a home wrecker.. plane and simple.
    You do not have the “balls ” to maybe point out to this man what he might stand to lose in this precarious proposotion. That might be a woman that takes care of 90%if his needs . So ill tell you what Here you take the kids the dirty socks the dishes, the home maintenance, the saving face in public when he knows hes lying to everyone, YOU deal with thr children’s feelings when they find out there DAD is cheating on there mom.. let him explane himself.. god forbid YOU DO THAT … PLEASE GET YOUR OWN MAN..

    • From a guy’s perspective I not only find it helpful to hear what other men think but probably even more helpful what the ladies have to say! One really good read that has helped me a bunch is called “Secrets Men Don’t Want Woman To Know”. Some of you ladies might find it helpful especially if you’ve had hurtful relationships in the past. Don’t be put off by the title lol, it’s full of really good stuff. Definitely worth the buy-at least for me. Here’s the link if anyone else wants to give it a try: https://tinyurl.com/y9t9953n

  7. Wow! very intriguing woman to woman letter. Trust and believe no judging here, however, he seems to have the best of both worlds, you’re doing you so to speak but in the long run the wife or girlfriend whatever she is is the one who gets hurt by all of this

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