Big Love

He was my greatest love and my greatest heartache. Can you go from being madly in love to just friends? Big and Carrie united and got married. If Big and I reunite the only union will be of our bodies. I am scared to see Big. Scared to touch his sexy smiling face. Should we reunite? What would be the point?

Truth is I never got over him. How can I tell my heart that her other half is taken? Someone else holds that key Big snatched it away from me years ago. Can I hug him without yearning for his tender kiss? What would I say to him?

I am speechless. I always love our conversations. Adored hearing how his mind worked. His thoughts would excite and set my soul on fire. How can I be around him and not want that old thing back? Imagine if he could send my mind into the point of combustion. Then, toy with the idea of what he did to my body when our worlds would collide.

When someone calms your spirit, eases your mind, and sends shock waves through your body. How do you handle just being friends? The ending our saga killed my heart and I have never loved since that is how profound an effect he had on my heart.

Damn Big you made me love you. With you I loved hard and hurt harder when it was all said and done. I love you Big still madly in love with you. I pray I can keep my composure when I see you. Let my mind take over my emotions. Help me to stay in wise mind. I will always love Big and would welcome him back in my life. I just have to woman up and realize we can be friends for our love is that strong.

When you love someone you cannot just shut them out of your life. I am selfish with love once you hurt me I want to be done for life. How selfish is that? I have to learn to love whether we are together or not. Love is not supposed to be conditional. I have to truly learn and believe that. So Big yes we can be friends forever and always.

Lonely Only

Am I the only one who really hates being the single friend
sometimes? Sometimes I want to hang with my girls but they are
busy with their man. I do not mind sharing but once they become
committed it seems as though they sign over all rights to girls’
night. I barely seem them anymore. Should I now find a batch of
single friends?

I do understand that when people get involved the dynamic of
their friendship changes. I also know that now someone else will
rank higher than me as a friend. Since your mate in most cases is
or should be your best friend. It seems that once they get
involved they become selfless when it comes to their mate and
what their mate wants trumps all else. Make you wonder what
happens to their me time. If you are consumed with your mate how
do you have time to see yourself?

To be honest it makes me a little fearful of approaching a new
relationship. Will I be that girl all caught up in my man? Where
I find myself forgetting the sanctity of lunch or after work time
with the ladies? Where we shoot the breeze about the kids, jobs,
goals, and yes men. I am not even talking male bashing. Just
random conversations I really miss that. I miss my girls. I love
the intimacy of our time together the relief of being myself
around people I know and love.

I often wonder do men have this same single friend complex. When
their boy gets involved do guy’s night cease. I wonder if men
sacrifice their friendship for their girls. It seems women are
receptive to the idea of blowing off her girls to hang with her
boo. Do guys put their girl before their boys? In some instances
they do but I guess it depends on the man though and his maturity
level. Fools tend to put their boys first. It often seems one
sided to me my guy friends and their boys seems to have business
as usual whether or not they are in a relationship.

Women seem to isolate themselves from their friends, calls become
infrequent if at all, and public appearances become a rarity. You
have to go directly to her just to make the half way mark. I
respect your relationship but can you respect our friendship. Is
our friendship conditional? Are we only together when he ceases
to exist or when he is not around for the moment? Can I get some
of your time and attention? I am tired of doing battle I will
gracefully bow out if necessary.

Makes you wonder if the friendship only lasts when neither of you
are attached. I love seeing my girls happy with their boo. I just
wish they would part ways long enough so we can have some
downtime. I miss you guys is what I am saying. I can share you it
is not a problem. I cannot idly sit by while you are hanging with
me when you really want to be with your boo. I would rather you
go with your boo and we hang another time. Just because you have
someone does not mean they have to monopolize your time. It is
important to maintain your identity outside of the relationship.
Remember your mate compliments not completes you. You are two
individuals who shared a common bond. Love each other enough to
miss each other sometimes. Spend time with your friends they need
you too.