Inspire You!

Monday Motivation

Be Your Own Inspiration!

Who or what inspires you the most? Many times in life we look to people or things to inspire us. Whether it is inspirational quotes or stories from others, or things that bring us inspiration like stones or plaques? While these are nice and inspirational we need to look to ourselves for a good source of inspiration.

The most attractive power is self-motivation. Everyone loves a self starter. One who can get going without anyone else’s encouragement.  I will admit I am guilty of waiting for someone else to push me toward success. I use to be a go-getter so I know it is embedded in my soul. But for whatever reason at this point in my life I lack self-motivation. It is so discouraging. Everyone else is doing it for themselves yet I am just watching and waiting for some cosmic event to get me started on my journey. Lord knows I do not need anymore major pitfalls to catapult me into success. I have to truly believe I am destined for greatness. There is no rest for the great ones. I have to plug away while my mind and body is young and fresh. I have to make wiser decisions which will have a domino affect in my life. Too many times I have been afraid to execute an excellent plan of action because I was afraid it might actually work. What would happen if I could really attain something as invaluable as getting my license? Or regaining my financial freedom? I have to truly push myself more than ever. All my procrastinating keeps me in failure status.

You cannot get complacent in misery. It makes for a strange bedfellow. We call it the comfort zone when really it is a dead zone where dreams are deferred and failure is inevitable. You have to want more for yourself. What makes you truly happy? It cannot be money or love. What gives you peace of mind? What truly makes me happy is that I can have financial freedom by properly preparing my budget and sticking to it. Any extra money goes straight into savings. I can be happy knowing I have money for a rainy day. The peace of mind is that I can look to myself in my time of need. Self sufficiency feels good.

So start today what has been holding you back? What have you been afraid to embark on? Share your thoughts below. 

 

 

 

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Low Self-Esteem Killing Me Softly

Is low self-esteem holding you back from love? Does the formula low self esteem=victim=plaything=permanent side piece seem to be your destiny?

I have suffered from low self-esteem for way too long. I have allowed it to play as my enabler in many facets of my life. I will focus today on how it has impacted me in my dating life.

They always says don’t look for a man he will find you. I have always believed that the man for me will come to me and be heaven sent. So why has hell been reigning over my dating life. Part of it could be I have played the victim role so much I really believe I have been victimized by love. What a farce! My arduous road to love is a direct correlation to my unwillingness to love myself. Sure I look in the mirror occasionally to check my hair and outfit but I never stand there long enough to peer into the very heart of me. I am broken in so many ways. If I look too long I will point out all my flaws and figuratively tear myself apart.

When I was on hiatus from dating I began to do some serious introspection. I actually began to like me and then like always I found a man to help me get off track and lose sight of me. The woman I was beginning to see. I always immerse myself into a man. It is so easy for me to put him on a pedestal and cater to his every need. Thinking somehow I will convince him I am the one not knowing I am showing him I don’t love myself and unworthy of the title I so desperately want to be bestowed. I will lose my identity in him I won’t write, not even journal I am consumed by the thought of being in love. My day revolves around him and how he feels. What a sad state of affairs it truly is.

Every time I hit rock bottom in love it comes back to the same solution learn to love you. How can someone invest in my stock when I am selling my shares and not investing in the company? No man would invest in me especially when he doesn’t know what’s going on with the company if something is wrong internally, but I know. If I don’t invest, neither would he. I have time and time proven I am an unworthy stock. Now I am saying that for pity, I am saying that because it is true. I cannot gain support for a cause I don’t myself believe in.

So much of who I am is about keeping up appearances and wanting to belong. I want to be accepted it stems from being rejected long ago. I have to deal with my past demons and the entire trauma that I have endured. I have to say I was victimized but I am no longer a victim. Unfortunately, in my case the opposite is true I am a professional victim. Internally, I blame my past for so many things and truth be told I am still living in my past. I am still that insecure girl from all those years ago. I need reassurance that I am beautiful. The men I date see that I am desperate and desiring of their approval and they run with that. In all honesty I cannot blame them for my current state. It is my own fault.

The role of Girl Friday has become cumbersome and emotionally exhausting. Emotionally and physically I morph into the role of Superwoman and my kryptonite is loving me. Sometimes I through pride aside and just do things because I so desperately want to be loved. I sacrifice so much of myself that I am losing vital pieces of me along the way. So how do I counter all of that you ask? I will start blogging again and journaling and do some introspection. Study the craft known as me and learn her well. I have to step back from loving someone else because I am on the brink of self-destruction. Yes that’s where I am headed.

To hell with thinking like a man, time to think like a boss.

Request for my heart….Denied!

My phone has stopped ringing no more calls, texts, or video chats with my chocolate drop. He seems to have just disappeared out of my life. I stop my dating hiatus to get to know him and now he is M.I.A. I wonder aloud if maybe there was something I have somehow been a catalyst for his disappearing act. I did everything he asked and more yet now he is gone. I feel like a foolish girl for opening up my heart to someone who I always thought wanting nothing more than my body. I always knew deep down I was his fantasy girl and I guess the reality of who I am killed his euphoric desires. I should have known it was the beginning of the end when he asked me why I never tired to talk to him when he was the one pursuing me all this time. Even worse than that I thought he was The One. Perish the thought; I thought he was meant for me. But would the man meant for me really ask what the freakiest thing I have done is. Correct me if I am wrong but the man for me would never want to imagine me with another man.

There were so many signs that I chose to ignore. I never trust my own instinct. Sometimes I wonder if I truly know what is best for me. People in my life always say don’t look for him he will find you. Well I am tired of being found by men would mean me no good. Tired of being sidelined and bestowed the title of mistress. I am better than being an entrée on the side. During my hiatus I learned I am more than my body, I have a heart and soul that longed to be respected as well. I learned to respect all three and even while I was choosing to date this man I decided not to have a Plan B so may call it foolish but I did not want to be emotionally vested in more than one man as I have always done in the past. Although, all this time I have been single I would tell potential suitors I was taken. It was easier than explaining my boo was too far away to be here and I was holding him down no matter what. Some told me I was foolish for engaging in a long distance relationship but I did not care what they thought they had someone and I had no one so I was going to pursue it anyway. He has pursued me since adolescence so I thought it best to see this thing through. I had everything riding on this hope and dream that love had finally found me.

I thought wow no man waits this long just to have sex with me. Naïveté definitely set in during this last month. Some men will go through great lengths because the power of the cookie is that strong in their mind. It felt good to not have to hide anything I felt refreshed. I was preparing for him to come and see me. I have known him forever was I infatuated with him or just the thought that love had found me finally after 7 years. I bore everything into him told him things about me wanting to be nothing but honest. He said there is no such thing as moving too fast yet me emotions faster than ever before. I envisioned so much with him and none of it will come to fruition. He admired me intellect but our conversations were purely sexual. I know I should have walked away when his actions screamed at me he just wanted sex. Why did I ignore all the red flags? I rode down a road that said yield, then caution road out ahead, and I went off the cliff and now after getting out of the rubble I wonder how I ended up here again. Damn!

Am I destined to be alone for the rest of my life if I am blessed to be married will it be in old age. Yet I know one thing for certain I have to get my shit together. I lost track of everything and my only focus was him. I had bigger fish to fry and my sole purpose was to convince him I was The One. I am Mrs. Right. Yet all along he already had someone she never left. I was never even thought of as being his girl in his mind. I was just this longtime crush that he never conquered. When he wouldn’t call me for days he would ask when he called how did you sleep? What an arrogant asshole! You love to see me fawning foolishly over you. You love to see a woman like me hurt and downtrodden.

Well I have picked myself up again and going back to my dating hiatus. My esteem took a serious hit than needs intensive care to repair. I need to stop thinking that a man will complete me the only man with that type of power is God. I have to be a boss in my thinking. I must achieve my goals and set out to accomplish so many things and I will not accomplish shit running behind an unworthy man. Why was he so deserving of my time and attention? Truth is lips never met and our bodies never collided yet my mental was more than receptive to the idea that was him.

So I am single again but I am no longer accepting applications. Not because I am bitter but because I want to be better. I don’t want to rebound I want to regroup. A good friend of mine watched me tear up and comforted me with tough love. Those who know and love me want me to focus on me and nothing else. They see a wounded solider who is allowing herself to be preyed upon but self-serving people. People whose agendas are clear and evident in their actions but foolishly I settle for what I can get. I don’t deserve better at this point because I don’t want better. I just want a warm body next to me.

I am better now that I released all that emotion. I want to call him and call him out for being a coward by ignoring me. I am not mad just disappointed in me for not holding firm to what I knew to be true. He was going to come here and lay with me. That was his only goal.  He never meant to be anything more than a roll in the hay. I was in love with love not him. I was in love with the idea of being in love again.

Why do we allow ourselves to be lead as sheep to the slaughter? Why don’t we fight for so much more? Share your thoughts below.

Undefeated

Welcome LoverzQuarrel Readers… we have a guest blogger today. Ladies we get to get some insider info so pay attention.

Introducing Aug Dash…

The late Rick James coined the phrase, “Cocaine is a hell of a drug” maybe he got it wrong.  Hear me out, I’m not speaking from personal experience, but I do recognize the powerful and addictive effects of cocaine, but the initial interaction is a choice made by a particular person.  Two wise men from Moncks Corner, South Carolina the phrase, “The nootsie (pussy) is undefeated,” on their radio show and it stuck with me.  Once I digested the statement in its entirety, all I could say was “Damn.”

The lack of an initial choice makes the urge an impossible opponent.  The beginning is upon a prepubescent male the first time he finds himself erect without a cause.  It is from that day on that the chase for nootsie begins.  Now speaking from personal experience, growing up if the wind blew through my shorts at the right time, things happened.  The randomness of the flaccidity of the prepubescent phallus is both embarrassing and uncontrollable, but what drives it and how strong is the attraction?

**Disclaimer**

Please do not twist the meaning of this post as an excuse for choices made by men in the past, present, and future. 

**Disclaimer end**

The urge affects the rich, just look at the athletes, entertainers, politicians, and executives felled by the irresistibility of the urge.  Bill Clinton, check.  Jesse James check.  Tiger Woods, check, check, check.  All three with decent (for their age group) looking wives all fell prey, but I say they weren’t chasing women, it just so happens that women own the nootsie.

Regular (not rich) men find themselves in predicaments connected to nootsie as well.  In my day, I need all fingers and toes to count the times where I was wrong…I mean dead wrong in the areas of town I traveled to, how I got there, my intentions, sometimes I didn’t even like the person but it kept calling me and calling me.  How do you say no to something often imitated but never duplicated?

**Disclaimer**

Please do not twist the meaning of this post as an excuse for choices made by men in the past, present, and future. 

**Disclaimer end**

It’s not only men, as I am sure many of you have noticed the popularity of or same sex couples prevalent in society.  I say love is love (I’m not judging) some women feel the pull as well.

Some dudes will say I’m not like, to them I ask, have you ever said no to someone that you felt an attraction?  Of course we will hide behind our committed status (girlfriend, fiancé, or wife) but the urge is still there and if tested I mean really tested I wonder.  I know I could paint a scenario that would change many answers (at a later date).

I’ll wrap this up with these:

Various forms of cocaine served as dental anesthesia, (octocaine, lidocaine, and mepivacaine) they never use nootsie.

After prohibition, laws came about legalizing alcohol sales and consumption because men can tax, control and somewhat resist it…no such laws for nootsie. 

(Morals aside)  Imagine if all the women in the world got together and sold it for $50 a pop (when projecting money made through business I always project low, just saying).  The average pop would last what 20-25 minutes, maybe?  Say she puts in six hours a day, that’s $600 a day.  They would be the richest company in the world because of repeat customers the demand would never die.  They would be recession proof because men can’t resist.  (This could be why it’s not legal, lack of male control without looking like pimps).

Yep it’s undefeated.

Thoughts?

Object of my Forgiveness

Freaky Friday: What is the wildest act your cheating mate performed to prove his/her undying love for you? Can a relationship survive infidelity? After a partner cheats, can the love survive the broken bond between the two of you?

You are with your man and you have had found out he cheated on you. You are hurt as well overwhelmed by the pain heartbreak brings. Questions burst out of you like a damn that has reached it’s breaking point. Naively you question the fact wondering if you were good enough for him instead of understanding the fact he just proved himself unworthy by committing this heinous act.

 How do you move past this?

 These feelings seem to envelope your heart and seal it shut.

Can your love for him remain the same?

As your heart began to harden and trust goes out the window can forgiveness be found before your heart is immersed in concrete. Anger about the fact often breeds insecurity.

I had a former love cheat on me and I thought I could forgive him. I tried to look at the act as water flowing under a newly built bridge. Yet thoughts of her and him raced through my mind everyday. It got to a point where I was so riddled with hate and contempt for the both of them I went to her job to confront her. I had no idea what I was going to say because in all actuality I did not want to say anything. All I knew was I was hurting and I want someone else to feel my pain preferably someone who inflicted it upon me. I got there and her and I were face to face and she could not even look at me. I want to say so much but the words could not form at my speechless lips.

There she was the woman who for so long had no face merely she was simply a name which ignited anger in me. What did she have that I did not? Why wasn’t I enough for him?

As I write this I want to let you know that it took me years to move past what happened. For a long time I would see her and just wanted her to look me in the eyes and explain how she could sleep with the man she knew was mine. I wanted to know why she thought her needs were more important than mine? Why did he care for her more than me?

I will be honest it took a lot of years and tears for me to move past what happened between them. Seeing them together after our breakup stung deep like a knife wound to my heart.

Forgiveness was a hard lesson to learn. I had to accept that there was nothing I could have done to prevent him from cheating. Also, I had to accept that I am worthy of unconditional, pure love. I forgave him because my heart was hemorrhaging from all the hurt his selfishness caused. I tried to hold onto to the good our relationship had produced. The truth was our time had passed and we were holding onto a memory that had since faded.

You can forgive but you can never forget. Even when I write this piece the pain I felt the day I found out he was cheating still seems so raw as if it happened yesterday. That is why although I have forgiven him I have decided that I cannot allow him back into my heart. No amount of tears or kisses can make his indiscretion dissipate from my memory. As much as I want what we once had I have to be realistic and keep things in perspective for me. For me this act what far too great and cost me way too much. I refuse to let my guard down again for him.

Cheating makes trust a hard thing to give to someone. You cannot blame every man for the foolishness of one. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.

Good Time Gal

 

 

Can being a freak ever be a bad thing? You want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed right?

Well why are so many men intimidated by a woman with a carnivorous attitude toward sex? She wants it morning, noon, and night and in between time. Wake up tapping you on the shoulder. You tell her she is too freaky and assume when you don’t give her any she must be getting it elsewhere.

Ladies, you are with your man and your want some alone time. You get all prim and proper for your love-making session. You go one round and he is done. But you still have more energy he tells you no. Yes!!! Girl, he actually formed his lips to say no!! He tells you that you need to calm down and stop being so freaky. How disheartening is that? When you are around your man you want to be able to be yourself.

Being a freak is not synonymous with promiscuity.

You cannot begin to fathom how torturous it is to be a woman with a high sex drive trying to find a man who will not find your libido to be emasculating.

Many men are intimidated by a woman like this. It defies all logic that a woman can want it as much if not more than a man. The woman is never supposed to ask for it that is his job.

Think about it like this, it’s like asking a girl out for the first time and getting shot down. It takes so much for us to ask for it. For some of us, we wrongly assume you always want it. So when we ask and you reject us it can be devastating.

I can recall a time where I was with my man and he had me revved up and ready to go and then he was like babe I have to go. I was pissed. If you think a woman teasing a man is terrible try being a woman and having a man tease you. It is a horrendous act that no man shall commit. Not everyone likes a tease.

Being a freak has often had a negative persona; in Rick James’s “Super freak” women who are freaks are informed they will not be brought home to meet Momma. You have to tone it down actually in a lot of cases, at least until he marries you and even then there is still some backlash. I read an interview with Zane years ago about women and their sexuality.

Most women are raised to be “good girls”.  To their men the “freaky stuff” is what “bad girls” do.

Personally, I believe women have both sides to them and may display them when the situation warrants it. I also believe that it is not as simple as being good or bad because there is definitely room for a gray area. No matter where we fall sexually we should be allowed to be ourselves. No woman should have to apologize for who she is sexually. You get to be you so allow me to be me. Take me as I am or have nothing at all.

Makes you wonder if you are a freak will you be single all your life. Constantly having to hide the woman you are inside.

Guys embrace your woman’s sexual side openly. Explore new things with her. Stop looking at her strange for her requests she can be your woman and your plaything rolled into one. These women exist so enjoy them. Why look on the side when you have the lady and the freak? Stop trying to reinvent the wheel she has already been created just for you. Welcome her with open arms don’t be scared she won’t bite unless you ask of course.

Ladies be you no matter what. Unleash the beast for that special man in your life and if he cannot handle it then move on. Never sacrifice your happiness for anyone.

Jump-Offs: A Necessary Evil

Time to sound-off about jump-offs tired of hearing and reading about them. How they have rules they must follow? How they are hated for their mere existence? Society jump-offs are a necessary evil. They have been roaming the Earth for centuries and she unlike the dinosaur will never be extinct. She will always exist as long as men are left unsatisfied and desiring something without any emotional attachment her supply will always be in demand.

Contrary to popular belief the jump-off is not always attached to another woman’s man. The man is often single and looking for his girlfriend or wife. During his quest he encounters the jump-off to sow his oats while allegedely patiently waiting on Mrs. Right. The jump-off often knows her role and is quite content. Surprisginyl, she does not wish to be you, the woman he lies to all the time. It is true the mistress often knows more than you. She knows the snake he is but loves the way he slithers all over her. Never wanting him to be hers for she knows he is incapable of commitment. It is pointless to her going through all the trouble of asking him to do something he truly does not desire to do.

She is a necessary evil for what you won’t do she will. When he is bored out of mind with you it is she who fulfills his fantasy. Despite what you think she encompasses his idea of his fantasy girl. Keep in mind when two people lay down it is not always the woman who wakes up with feelings. As told to me by a man, he can sometimes have an attachment to her. Often, he expects monogamous behvaior from her although this is not something he displays. How preposterouds is that? Jump-offs thrive on the excitement of being his Girl Friday, unlike yu they do not need a title. Although they have been given a negative persona. Yet there are scores of women in relationships in which they are indeed the jump-off and are unaware of it. Yelling about some other woman when it is you who fits the bill you are trying to get her to pay. Stop blaming the jump-off and hold these men accountable as well.

Singlehood is sweeping the nation and a girl has needs. She is realistic and knows that love is a goal that love is a goal that is often conditional. Tired of playing Plain Jane in relationship where she cannot be true to herself. They want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. When they get what they want they are often intimidated by it. Many women are trapped in their sexuality. Closet freaks scared to come out for fear of being ostrsacized. Forced to lay there and take it instead of throwing it back and making him shut up while she is behind the wheel. Scared to be viewed as frisky. Fear his harsh judgements will lead him to assume this is a common practice for you with various men. Never realizing this is a private show for him and him only.

Let’s be frank many ladies have begun a relationship as his jump-off and it seemed prosperous. Yet years go by and he still doesn’t like it enough to put a ring on it.

The relationship between a man and his jump-off is an honest one. The need for deception dissipates due to the fact they both know he will never commit and she never thinks think their relationship as anything more than what it is. A sexual thing. A jump-off keeps things in perspective and will be able to maintain a good relationship with her man. Yes it is a relationship as much as you want to make it sound like an in and out thing. There is an arrangement between both parties. Sometimes it is a little more than sex sometimes they just talk and she listens.

The main downside to the relationship other than the lack of commitment is when she wants to have sex she usually cannot get it when she wants it. Everything is on his terms due to the fact s he cannot or will not come at her every whim. Often she contemplates gettiing a boyfriend but she would have to settle for scheduled sex. In addition, she would have the added worry of him cheating on her.

Jump-offs will always be a neccesary evil as long as we refuse to communicate with one another openly and honeslty about what it is we truly want. Become more accepting versus judgemental about your partner’s desire. Do not make them hide who they truly are to suit your own needs. For neither of your needs will be met. Enjoy a good thing don’t question it.