He Liked It So Much He Put a Ring on Her Finger NOT YOURS!

While listening to Beyonce’s cult hit Single Ladies as I bop to the eclectic electronic sounds I think about how we often say she ain’t me yet she is the one left holding the ring. It makes me wonder how do we that are left behind equate into the balance system of being marriage material?

Honestly, ladies are we marriage material? If we are why are we still very much single? Often we are involved in long relationship that only often amount to children without the ring. Now many of you will say marriage is over-rated and that many people rushing into it. I will say that you may have a valid point. But let’s focus on our single selves. Why is our single circle decreasing in size? Why are many of us sitting as spectators at the altar rather than standing there ourselves?

Now this piece is not a means to belittle single ladies everywhere but one has to wonder even secretly why did he marry her and not me? Often you have years vested with someone but what do you have to show for it? What did you bring to the table besides the obvious? We put way too much emphasis on the alleged power of the cookie. It does not hold as much weight as our delusional minds think. It does not matter how many chandeliers you hang upside down from this does not secure a ring. You have to undoubtedly prove yourself to be a worthy investment. What makes you think he wants to be stuck with you for the rest of his life?

Ladies we need to keep in mind that men are looking at us and our actions very carefully. We have to stop settling for quick fixes content with being the side girl and stand firm on being the one he can’t live without. Too many of us fall victim to the whole friends with benefits what man is going to take your seriously if you are giving it away to some random guy for free? He does not need to take you seriously because he can already see what a joke you are. Let’s face facts we are separate not equal in many facets of life. Yes he can sleep with many women and only allow one to capture his heart. Hell no you cannot do the same and yes you will be looked down upon. Double standards are alive and well so stay in your lane.

You want the golden ticket then baby you better earn it. Now the sure fire way to meet him is to stop looking for him. Yes we are tired of being by ourselves and want to feel like we belong to someone. Well try belonging to you make and mold you into a beautiful woman. Put time and energy on you. What are your goals in life? I am sure marriage is not the key to your happiness. If it is time for a re- evaluation, listen I am speaking from the heart. What I am telling you I am telling myself. Happiness is so necessary.

Respect your cookie! Stop giving it away to men who don’t matter and save it for the one who does.

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Institution of Marriage

Why are we so afraid to get married? This week I have been doing
a five-part series on topics features in the hit movie “He’s Just
Not That Into You.” Today’s topic is about those of us who fear
marriage. How we spend ions with someone yet we never want to
take it to the next level?

In the movie, Neil and Beth have been are in a long-term
relationship. In which Neil has become so complacent that
marriage is not even an afterthought anymore. If ain’t broke
don’t fix it is his mental state on his romance with Beth. Beth
has grown tired of this long-term romance and informs Neil that
she would like to profess their love for one another over vows in
front of their dear friends and family. Neil is terrified he does
not want to get married. He contemplates on the end of a marriage
instead of the beginning of one. Although he does not desire
anyone else and is quite content with his current arrangement he
knows he will lose Beth and ponders whether his fear of marriage
trumps her longing to be his wife. Love prevails and they are
married.

I know that I am not alone with this fear of commitment that a
marriage entails. I fear being with someone for the rest of my
life. What if they get bored with me? What if I get bored with
them? What if either of us cheats? In my eyes the vows of
marriage are sacred I am not only saying them to my husband but
God is listening as well. I am making promises that I will be
held to the highest standard to keep. Commitment has always been
a scary thing for me. So marriage is like going from a
rollercoaster to skydiving to me. I will admit I have a phobia of
commitment. A deep-seeded one no one has ever committed to me so
I feel like why should I bother committing to them? Marriage is
sacred and I do not want to try and fake the funk with God. I do
not want to tell him to death do us part and the first sign of
trouble we are battling it out in divorce court. Or, one of us
gets to sick and the other one gives up all hope. Adultery seems
so commonplace now I feel like if I get married I should expect
to be cheated on.

Commitment can be a scary thing yet it does not mean I do not
want to ever get married. I just am consumed by fear, the fear of
it not working out. Too many people are in love with the wedding
and not willing to work at the marriage. As soon as trouble
strikes all hell breaks loose. People stop talking and starting
walking to the nearest attorney’s office to dissolve the
marriage.  We need to be friends first. We need to learn to love
properly ourselves first then love our mate. Learn to work
together in this thing called love. Remember there is no I in
team.

Learn to love and trust enough to know that things will work out
for the better. Have faith in one another. Faith that through
trials and tribulations there will be triumph. Fear has a way of
paralyzing you and prohibited to walk through the fire together.
Do not fear love for it is meant for your happiness. Instead fear
never loving someone enough to devote your life and love to them.
Marriage is a beautiful union to be shared by two loving people.
Two strong loving people. Take that walk down the aisle.