Inspire You!

Monday Motivation

Be Your Own Inspiration!

Who or what inspires you the most? Many times in life we look to people or things to inspire us. Whether it is inspirational quotes or stories from others, or things that bring us inspiration like stones or plaques? While these are nice and inspirational we need to look to ourselves for a good source of inspiration.

The most attractive power is self-motivation. Everyone loves a self starter. One who can get going without anyone else’s encouragement.  I will admit I am guilty of waiting for someone else to push me toward success. I use to be a go-getter so I know it is embedded in my soul. But for whatever reason at this point in my life I lack self-motivation. It is so discouraging. Everyone else is doing it for themselves yet I am just watching and waiting for some cosmic event to get me started on my journey. Lord knows I do not need anymore major pitfalls to catapult me into success. I have to truly believe I am destined for greatness. There is no rest for the great ones. I have to plug away while my mind and body is young and fresh. I have to make wiser decisions which will have a domino affect in my life. Too many times I have been afraid to execute an excellent plan of action because I was afraid it might actually work. What would happen if I could really attain something as invaluable as getting my license? Or regaining my financial freedom? I have to truly push myself more than ever. All my procrastinating keeps me in failure status.

You cannot get complacent in misery. It makes for a strange bedfellow. We call it the comfort zone when really it is a dead zone where dreams are deferred and failure is inevitable. You have to want more for yourself. What makes you truly happy? It cannot be money or love. What gives you peace of mind? What truly makes me happy is that I can have financial freedom by properly preparing my budget and sticking to it. Any extra money goes straight into savings. I can be happy knowing I have money for a rainy day. The peace of mind is that I can look to myself in my time of need. Self sufficiency feels good.

So start today what has been holding you back? What have you been afraid to embark on? Share your thoughts below. 




Please Love Me

Are you aching for someone to love you?

Daily I struggle with learning to love myself. I am learning to look to myself for love. It is the little things I struggle with. Constantly I am looking for acceptance I want so bad for someone to love me so I don’t have to sit down and comfort myself. The other day I was walking around my old high school Trenton High and I was alone with my thoughts it drove me crazy. Today I had a conversation with my sister about feeling left out. Initially, I was frustrated with the situation from the stand point of they exclude me a lot more than they include me in things.

Never did it cross my mind when they include me in things I tend to isolate myself. I have always been awkward in social settings especially family gatherings. As much as I want to belong I am definitely a loner by choice. I am scared to let people in even family. Damn this is hard as hell to write. The tears won’t cease let me take a break.

Let’s resume I just want so badly to be loved that often I neglect myself. When it is just me it is hard to deal with life on life’s terms. Many times I try to escape my thoughts, fears, and insecurities. Even when writing this I am withholding a lot. I do not want you to know that I don’t love me. Although that is what my actions clearly show. My actions say I care more about you and what you think. I do not trust my own instincts, when and if I do I am always questioning myself. It is like I did not go to his house because I do not trust myself around him versus thinking I should have went anyway like how dare I have a noble bone in my body. How dare I stand up for me? Since when do I have rights, especially the right to say no? I always feel I am wrong for saying no to someone. I aim to please everyone but me.

I want to love him more than I want to love me. It keeps coming back to the same point I need to learn to love myself. When I face myself in the mirror my gaze often wavers and I cannot bring to look at me. I find everything wrong with me. I see the other girl everyone else sees. The one they pretend not to notice. The one guys just want to creep with on the low never professing their feeling aloud for the ugly girl. I have so many issues to deal with that I do not know where to begin. In my eyes I am hideous and unworthy of any love. Only God can love me.

It is not even so much about my exterior look it is about the feelings floating inside of me. Sometimes I daydream while looking at a pretty girl and wonder what it would be like to be pretty. How does that feel to be pleasing to the eyes? That is a foreign concept to me. So used to being the sweet, ugly girl in the background.

I know today I am all over but my feelings are all over. I want so badly to be loved but I do not know how to give that love back to myself. The truth be told I don’t want to love me. My flaws overflow so much they are bursting out of me like a dam that has imploded. I don’t want to face me I cannot look in the mirror and say I am beautiful when I know I am ugly. Ugly is a place of comfort for me. Failure lies on the other side of me. Strange bedfellows to most but comforting snuggle bunnies to me. I have come to the conclusion that I do not want to be happy. I don’t want to be loved because to truly love me is to know me and once he knows me he will run away from me. I don’t want success because people will expect greater things of me. I don’t want to disappoint their expectations of me.

As I said before this process is a daily one but even more specific it is a minute by minute effort on my part to learn to fall in love with me.

Have you ever loved someone more than you loved yourself? Are you running away from self-love?

Share your thoughts below.

Object of my Forgiveness

Freaky Friday: What is the wildest act your cheating mate performed to prove his/her undying love for you? Can a relationship survive infidelity? After a partner cheats, can the love survive the broken bond between the two of you?

You are with your man and you have had found out he cheated on you. You are hurt as well overwhelmed by the pain heartbreak brings. Questions burst out of you like a damn that has reached it’s breaking point. Naively you question the fact wondering if you were good enough for him instead of understanding the fact he just proved himself unworthy by committing this heinous act.

 How do you move past this?

 These feelings seem to envelope your heart and seal it shut.

Can your love for him remain the same?

As your heart began to harden and trust goes out the window can forgiveness be found before your heart is immersed in concrete. Anger about the fact often breeds insecurity.

I had a former love cheat on me and I thought I could forgive him. I tried to look at the act as water flowing under a newly built bridge. Yet thoughts of her and him raced through my mind everyday. It got to a point where I was so riddled with hate and contempt for the both of them I went to her job to confront her. I had no idea what I was going to say because in all actuality I did not want to say anything. All I knew was I was hurting and I want someone else to feel my pain preferably someone who inflicted it upon me. I got there and her and I were face to face and she could not even look at me. I want to say so much but the words could not form at my speechless lips.

There she was the woman who for so long had no face merely she was simply a name which ignited anger in me. What did she have that I did not? Why wasn’t I enough for him?

As I write this I want to let you know that it took me years to move past what happened. For a long time I would see her and just wanted her to look me in the eyes and explain how she could sleep with the man she knew was mine. I wanted to know why she thought her needs were more important than mine? Why did he care for her more than me?

I will be honest it took a lot of years and tears for me to move past what happened between them. Seeing them together after our breakup stung deep like a knife wound to my heart.

Forgiveness was a hard lesson to learn. I had to accept that there was nothing I could have done to prevent him from cheating. Also, I had to accept that I am worthy of unconditional, pure love. I forgave him because my heart was hemorrhaging from all the hurt his selfishness caused. I tried to hold onto to the good our relationship had produced. The truth was our time had passed and we were holding onto a memory that had since faded.

You can forgive but you can never forget. Even when I write this piece the pain I felt the day I found out he was cheating still seems so raw as if it happened yesterday. That is why although I have forgiven him I have decided that I cannot allow him back into my heart. No amount of tears or kisses can make his indiscretion dissipate from my memory. As much as I want what we once had I have to be realistic and keep things in perspective for me. For me this act what far too great and cost me way too much. I refuse to let my guard down again for him.

Cheating makes trust a hard thing to give to someone. You cannot blame every man for the foolishness of one. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.

Dance Fever

Ladies why do you dress sexy in the club only to come there and stand on the wall?

You barely notice the sexy men in the room because your nose is up in the air. Men have you ever been in the club and noticed a sexy lady in the club and you ask her to dance and she declines your request. Later you observe her again and she is still standing there grinding on the wall or one of her girls.

Ladies men appreciate seeing you all dolled up and want to approach you. Remember men are stimulated visually and in awe of how beautiful you look on any given club night. In their minds they do not see the logic in getting dressed up just to sit alone all night. They feel you might as well have stayed home.

Anti-social behavior is not cute in the club. Then some of you have the nerve to be upset that no one approached you. Shutting men down when they approach is a surefire way to get you on the she is dancing alone list for the night. Not to mention the mean scowls you have on your face in the club no one wants to talk to a woman that looks pissed off. He does not want to further piss you off. Keep a smile on your face and an open mind when enter the club.

One would like to believe you are there to enjoy yourself. Do not distract yourself about sweating out your weave that is what ponytail holders are for. You go to a club to dance and socialize. Let your hair down a little. Wind up your waist and drop it low and get your party on. Good times are ahead of you at the club. I am not guaranteeing you are going to find love in the club but at least go out to have a good time.

The Dating Double Standard

In dating I often wondered if men and women are created equally. Can we exhibit the same behavior and receive the same positive/negative reinforcements? The answer to this question is no for we cannot do the same things and garner the same reaction.

Case in point a woman has a high sex drive and loves to have sex whenever possible. Unlike a man it is frowned upon for her to look among random men and have her way with the man of her choosing. She must choose among familiar territory preferably a boyfriend if applicable or a really good friend. If the man is not available she has to wait or practice self-love.

The way I see it everything he can do you can do better but in the end you will look worse for having done it at all. The line has to be drawn somewhere, so can a woman sleep around and still have her character in tact the answer is a resounding hell no.

Yes a hoe is a hoe no matter how you say it. It is drummed into our heads you cannot turn a hoe into a housewife since our inception. Keep your legs crossed and closed until the right man comes along. I know double standards suck but perception goes a lot longer than the truth. Rumors always seem to have a ring of truth to them. Once your character has been assassinated it will take a total 360 degree turn will revive you.

We all have to grow up and come to a point in our lives where we realize that when we were children we spoke as children, and when we became adults we are to put away those childish ways.

In certain areas I hate to admit but men and women are not equal. He is celebrated for being a hoe you are crucified for being in the same group as him. Both sexes have to gain a sense of self control. Just because you can does not always mean you should. Use your discretion. Woman up and take full responsibility for your own actions the operative word being your own.

Double standards will exist long after we are dead and gone. We cannot do everything men can do and vice versa. Just face facts. Granted there will always be room for gossip at the table.
Remember that you want to place yourself a cut above the rest at all times.

Good Time Gal



Can being a freak ever be a bad thing? You want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed right?

Well why are so many men intimidated by a woman with a carnivorous attitude toward sex? She wants it morning, noon, and night and in between time. Wake up tapping you on the shoulder. You tell her she is too freaky and assume when you don’t give her any she must be getting it elsewhere.

Ladies, you are with your man and your want some alone time. You get all prim and proper for your love-making session. You go one round and he is done. But you still have more energy he tells you no. Yes!!! Girl, he actually formed his lips to say no!! He tells you that you need to calm down and stop being so freaky. How disheartening is that? When you are around your man you want to be able to be yourself.

Being a freak is not synonymous with promiscuity.

You cannot begin to fathom how torturous it is to be a woman with a high sex drive trying to find a man who will not find your libido to be emasculating.

Many men are intimidated by a woman like this. It defies all logic that a woman can want it as much if not more than a man. The woman is never supposed to ask for it that is his job.

Think about it like this, it’s like asking a girl out for the first time and getting shot down. It takes so much for us to ask for it. For some of us, we wrongly assume you always want it. So when we ask and you reject us it can be devastating.

I can recall a time where I was with my man and he had me revved up and ready to go and then he was like babe I have to go. I was pissed. If you think a woman teasing a man is terrible try being a woman and having a man tease you. It is a horrendous act that no man shall commit. Not everyone likes a tease.

Being a freak has often had a negative persona; in Rick James’s “Super freak” women who are freaks are informed they will not be brought home to meet Momma. You have to tone it down actually in a lot of cases, at least until he marries you and even then there is still some backlash. I read an interview with Zane years ago about women and their sexuality.

Most women are raised to be “good girls”.  To their men the “freaky stuff” is what “bad girls” do.

Personally, I believe women have both sides to them and may display them when the situation warrants it. I also believe that it is not as simple as being good or bad because there is definitely room for a gray area. No matter where we fall sexually we should be allowed to be ourselves. No woman should have to apologize for who she is sexually. You get to be you so allow me to be me. Take me as I am or have nothing at all.

Makes you wonder if you are a freak will you be single all your life. Constantly having to hide the woman you are inside.

Guys embrace your woman’s sexual side openly. Explore new things with her. Stop looking at her strange for her requests she can be your woman and your plaything rolled into one. These women exist so enjoy them. Why look on the side when you have the lady and the freak? Stop trying to reinvent the wheel she has already been created just for you. Welcome her with open arms don’t be scared she won’t bite unless you ask of course.

Ladies be you no matter what. Unleash the beast for that special man in your life and if he cannot handle it then move on. Never sacrifice your happiness for anyone.

Jump-Offs: A Necessary Evil

Time to sound-off about jump-offs tired of hearing and reading about them. How they have rules they must follow? How they are hated for their mere existence? Society jump-offs are a necessary evil. They have been roaming the Earth for centuries and she unlike the dinosaur will never be extinct. She will always exist as long as men are left unsatisfied and desiring something without any emotional attachment her supply will always be in demand.

Contrary to popular belief the jump-off is not always attached to another woman’s man. The man is often single and looking for his girlfriend or wife. During his quest he encounters the jump-off to sow his oats while allegedely patiently waiting on Mrs. Right. The jump-off often knows her role and is quite content. Surprisginyl, she does not wish to be you, the woman he lies to all the time. It is true the mistress often knows more than you. She knows the snake he is but loves the way he slithers all over her. Never wanting him to be hers for she knows he is incapable of commitment. It is pointless to her going through all the trouble of asking him to do something he truly does not desire to do.

She is a necessary evil for what you won’t do she will. When he is bored out of mind with you it is she who fulfills his fantasy. Despite what you think she encompasses his idea of his fantasy girl. Keep in mind when two people lay down it is not always the woman who wakes up with feelings. As told to me by a man, he can sometimes have an attachment to her. Often, he expects monogamous behvaior from her although this is not something he displays. How preposterouds is that? Jump-offs thrive on the excitement of being his Girl Friday, unlike yu they do not need a title. Although they have been given a negative persona. Yet there are scores of women in relationships in which they are indeed the jump-off and are unaware of it. Yelling about some other woman when it is you who fits the bill you are trying to get her to pay. Stop blaming the jump-off and hold these men accountable as well.

Singlehood is sweeping the nation and a girl has needs. She is realistic and knows that love is a goal that love is a goal that is often conditional. Tired of playing Plain Jane in relationship where she cannot be true to herself. They want a lady in the street and a freak in the bed. When they get what they want they are often intimidated by it. Many women are trapped in their sexuality. Closet freaks scared to come out for fear of being ostrsacized. Forced to lay there and take it instead of throwing it back and making him shut up while she is behind the wheel. Scared to be viewed as frisky. Fear his harsh judgements will lead him to assume this is a common practice for you with various men. Never realizing this is a private show for him and him only.

Let’s be frank many ladies have begun a relationship as his jump-off and it seemed prosperous. Yet years go by and he still doesn’t like it enough to put a ring on it.

The relationship between a man and his jump-off is an honest one. The need for deception dissipates due to the fact they both know he will never commit and she never thinks think their relationship as anything more than what it is. A sexual thing. A jump-off keeps things in perspective and will be able to maintain a good relationship with her man. Yes it is a relationship as much as you want to make it sound like an in and out thing. There is an arrangement between both parties. Sometimes it is a little more than sex sometimes they just talk and she listens.

The main downside to the relationship other than the lack of commitment is when she wants to have sex she usually cannot get it when she wants it. Everything is on his terms due to the fact s he cannot or will not come at her every whim. Often she contemplates gettiing a boyfriend but she would have to settle for scheduled sex. In addition, she would have the added worry of him cheating on her.

Jump-offs will always be a neccesary evil as long as we refuse to communicate with one another openly and honeslty about what it is we truly want. Become more accepting versus judgemental about your partner’s desire. Do not make them hide who they truly are to suit your own needs. For neither of your needs will be met. Enjoy a good thing don’t question it.