So I have been thinking lately about how awkward I feel in social settings with women. I am not inept yet I feel extremely uncomfortable. When I encounter a group of women I feel a strong sense of apprehension. The encounter is often met with fear and trepidation.
I have often wondered why I feel so uncomfortable around women. Part of it is distrust and bad experiences. In my past the women I have encountered were egotistical, riddled with insecurities most of which they wanted to inflict upon others, and self-loathing. I am the first to admit I am painfully insecure as well as anti-social. But I will admit among women I don’t often feel a sense of welcoming. I often feel I am being sized up and judged right there on the spot. Now I will be honest I have a few women in my life that are ideal friends for me. I often long to be who they are strong, independent, beautiful and most of all secure with who they are. They never need to tear me down or try to impress the man I am with, they don’t make me feel ugly I feel beautiful in their presence. I will admit part of my fear of women has to due with a lack of understanding of myself.
Yet I feel that we as women need to learn to help not hurt each other. It is like you grew up with body image issues and you grew into a beautiful, voluptuous woman yet you never shed your insecurities and you tear down your “friend” that is slim and never had body image issues saying you never want to be that skinny. Constantly, berating her for being slim like you she cannot help the way she was born. Or, better scenario constantly trying to outdo one another. A friendly competition is fine, cute even but constant battle is not cool at all. I will never forget I was out one night and met a nice-looking guy we were vibing really well. Anyway I walked away from him to talk to my girls. He was afraid to dance so I told him when he was ready I would be one the dance floor. Well he worked up the courage and came to dance with me we were dancing when my “friend” pulled him away. He came back then she yanked him away. He tried to come back I told him no she really wants to dance with you. Funny thing is he was interested in our girl that wasn’t dancing.
We need to respect one another although I am surprised at this one. There is no loyalty or respect amongst us anymore. Our girlfriends will come to us pouring her heart out and as soon as we get we put her business on blast to as many as possible. Yet you claim you are her best friend. Recently, I cleaned out my closet and let a lot of demons out of my life. It was bittersweet because I really lost someone who I felt was a sister to me. I love her dearly but her actions became unbearable. I kept sweeping them under the rug till one night I had enough. Women stop being afraid to air out your grievances with one another versus taking it to someone else. Take it straight to the source. We talk at not to one another. Always ready to fight learn to love.
Needless to say there is a serious need for reparations among women. We truly need to delve deep and explore why we exhibit this self-deprecating behavior. We need to realize this behavior only hurt ourselves. Trying to hurt me will only hurt you in the end. I just want to love you sister and heal both our hurts. Talk about what is really bothering us. I know with those friend I had she was just as insecure as me if not more and I felt sorry for her. I wished she would learn to love herself so she could love me too. Where is the love among us? Don’t be scare to hug each other. Comfort one another. Have you hugged a woman today?