Love’s Ultimatum

Should there be ultimatums in love? In the movie “He’s Just Not
That Into” Ben’s wife Janine gives him an ultimatum either marry
me or we are breaking up. So he marries her despite not knowing
if he really was in love with the idea of being married to the
same woman for eternity. Therefore forsaking all other women and
conquests they may propose. When, he realizes he is not happy he
cheats and it is because the thought of being with one woman for
the rest of his life creates hysteria in both his heart and mind.

You should never give anyone an ultimatum either they want to be
with you or they don’t. Furthermore why would you want to force
someone’s hand? Whatever happened to the concept of free will?

In a past relationship I made the mistake of making a
relationship out of an ultimatum. I was dating this guy I had a
crush on for years. One day we ran into each other exchanged
numbers and took it from there. He was a perfect gentleman and I
just ate it up. When it came to sex I told him I wanted to wait
until I was in a relationship. Yes, at one point in time I was
one of those title-obsessed women. Needless to say he kindly
obliged me.

Our tumultuous relationship only lasted a year. I am shocked it
even lasted that long. Between the cheating, fighting, and just
plain resentment on both parts disaster was inevitable. One day
he practically came out and said he just wanted to sleep with me.
I actually acted dejected yet it should have come as no surprise.
Never give someone an ultimatum they may take it but you will
live to regret it. In giving the ultimatum I forced his hand and
back him into a corner. He wanted to be with me but not in a
relationship. He just wanted to be intimate without any strings
attached. I missed the whole signal on that one. I will blame it
on my young age and naiveté. I now know never to propose such a
thing ever again. In essence because a relationship formed due to
an ultimatum is one that is based on a lie. It is a recipe for
disaster because it is built on a weak foundation.

Beauty  cannot tame the beast for the beast must tame himself. It
is the same with trying to change someone. You have two choices
accept them as they are or move on. People will never be who YOU
want them to be. In any event you should not want to be with
anyone who does not openly and unconditionally want to be with
you. The operative word being unconditional, love is not supposed
to have any conditions on it. That is not the meaning of pure
love. We all must love freely. Whoever we find that happiness
with we need to be honest about what we need and want from them.
If they cannot provide it then we must journey on until we find
our heart’s desire.