Side Note: The Woman’s Worth series is about a dialogue between women. This week’s is addressing the tale of two women, the main woman and the other woman. Here is my take on being the other woman in a man’s life. Share your thoughts below.
Hello, how are you? I hope that this letter finds you in good spirits.
Unfortunately, I would like to air out some grievances that I have with you. This is a conversation woman to woman; so please respond with an open mind. Some things I say here may shed light on the truth of our ugly situation.
First, let me introduce myself; I am the other woman in your man’s life. I am here because he invited me here. I am his woman on the side and I am quite content with that. I get what I want from this relationship and, contrary to popular belief, our relationship revolves around more than just sex. I am not here to judge you, so I ask you to stop judging me. People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.
Now that I have gotten the pleasantries out the way, let’s get down to business. I am not some scandalous hood-rat running around on a mission to take someone’s man. I am a woman just like you and I am angry because somehow everyone wants to throw dirt on my name by labeling me a jump-off as a means of demeaning and devaluing me. I am a woman that knows what she wants and that is a relationship with no strings attached. Unfortunately, often I have been erroneously named a jump-off when, often, there is no woman to speak of in his life. Now that is not fair! Why can’t we just be friends with benefits?
Why should I apologize for making an informed decision to be the woman whom he consensually decides to be intimate with? Did it ever occur to you that I was here long before the thought of you was even conjured up? Now ruminate on those questions, if you will. I do not want this to be a scathing letter to you. But woman to woman, I pity you; at least I truly know who he is and what he represents. He is not deceiving me with his lies. Let’s face facts; I know more about him than you do.
Everyone wants to label me as the one who ruined your relationship. Well, what about your man? He chose me. Believe it or not, I was minding my own business when he came along and let me add without any mention of you. Once I knew about you, I stepped back; but he pursued me even more aggressively. I tried to remain strong in my position, but girl you know how convincing he is. So he was able to reel me in and bring me back into his world.
Despite what you think, I am more than
his girl on the side. He tells me everything: his heartache, pain, his goals. I support him in all his endeavors; I never spoil his dreams or his fun. I know my place and I stay in my lane. I do not want to fill your shoes. To be honest, I do not want to commit to a liar and a cheater. If he cared so much, he would care enough to leave before ever cheating at all.
I want you to walk in my shoes and see things through my eyes. We had a relationship that worked perfectly until he decided two was better than one. The emphasis was on “he decided”. Initially, this was supposed to be a situation where there were no strings attached. Yet, he managed to attach himself to me and I fell for him. I like what I have; I enjoy our stolen moments and do not ask for anything more. I am aware of who you are and whose you are. You belong to him not I. I can leave at any time. Yet, he will not allow me to move on. He is so selfish that if he cannot have me, no one can.
I am closing this letter now. I have said more than enough. I hope that, by this point in the letter, you understand my plight a little better. And although we never are going to be allies, maybe you can at least sympathize with me a little and understand why I stayed with him despite you coming along.