I Am Not My Hair Pt. 2

Seriously considering cutting my hair. Tired of perming it, burning it with a curling iron, pin curling only for most of the curls to come out straight, rocking some lazy ponytail, getting my hair done only for it to stay for the one day I am in the shop and I am fed up it is no fun can’t put weave in it cause it takes my hair out. Fed up I need a resolution.

These are my confessions. I am past the point of pissed off. I have shed tears over this it is that deep. What is the sense in having hair that is unmanagable. My budget does not stretch enough for me to be in someone’s chair every two weeks only to have fabulous hair for a day. I perm it burning my natural essence to get it bone straight only to grow bored of that. I hide behind my weave and wigs because I keep coming to the same conclusion it is time to cut this problem out of my hair…literally.

I have been contemplating this for years. I want to take some scissors and get rid of this mess and start fresh. Just strip my hair live it baren so I can do something with it. I want to feel sexy like in my own hair like I did in this pic.

Of course as always it lasted while I was in the shop and long enough for me to take a pic. I have had long hair all my life it has been my comfort my staple. I am going through a lot right now and I feel my comfort zone needs to be rocked to the core. I need to shake things up to get me back on track.

Cutting my hair will be a sign of change for me. It will solidify my liberation from buying into others perception of me. I have had short dos before courtesy of either a cap or a wig and I loved felt so sexy and free no more chains holding me.

I said at 30 I would cut it but I was not serious. It is now a year later I think it is time to follow through. This is not a rebellious act rather an emotional makeover. Long hair has been my crutch since forever. I only wanted it because it seemed like that was what I was supposed to do. Well I have grown tired of being average and mundane time to shake things up.

Have you ever felt bogged down by your hair? What did you do to release the shackles? Share your thoughts below.

I Am Not My Hair

I Am Not My Hair

I am not my hair. Or, am I? I am obsessed with wearing weaves, wigs, and caps. I don’t feel beautiful with my own hair. Isn’t that sad? I see other women with natural hair and wish I could be as confident as they are. I am often struck with jealousy to see how liberated they are wearing their own hair.

I too want to be free. Free from the enslavement of weave. I am also obsessed with short hair since I want to cut mine but everyone advises me not to. Often I feel if I cut my hair it will be a sign of rebellion on my part. Rebelling against society’s view of me terrifies me. I want to be who they think I am.

Unlike some women I wear weave for confidence and beauty. So sad but so true! I am trying to overcome this weave addiction. It is tearing me apart both literally and figuratively. My skin and hair are suffering due to constant chemicals I use on my hair. Surprisingly, enough my hair is shoulder length yet I have thinning edges. If it can be weaved I have worn it. Due to my refusal to wear my hair it is now matted down and unmanageable. As a result my beautiful mane will be mangled by scissors and I will have to wear short hair by force not by choice.

Tears will fall as my hair decorates the floor. I need help for this addiction. I have a daughter with long hair and I refuse to perm her hair I manage her hair the best way I know how despite neglecting my own. What type of example am I setting for her? The obsession I have with weave is a sign of self-hatred. Some women wear weave for sport, I wear it for solidification with myself. To prove to myself I am worthy of being called a beauty. I hate my natural look and it shows when I wear it. I don’t exude any confidence or any glimmer of hope that I got it going on.

When I do go to the shop and pull off my wig, or take out my weave, the stylist is often shocked to find I have a head full of hair and no real reason to wear false hair at all. I am not writing this piece saying don’t wear weave. I am saying don’t get so caught up in its hype that you forget the true beauty that is you. I have forgotten the beauty that is me. I barely recognize her in the mirror where we meet face to face. Often I am disgusted by what I see since she is without her facade.

I do not know where this self-hatred was conceived but I want to witness a rebirth of a beauty. I admire women who are natural, who wear their own hair. I have very few pics of just me and my hair but I will show you me without weave. It is a rare sight and almost comes like Halley’s comet.

Beauty and confidence are innate components of you. It oozes through your DNA somehow my blood has been contaminated with resentment and self-loathing. As I said before I have to lead by example for my daughter. When, I was young I was never allowed to wear weave and now I wear it rebelliously. I never grew out of my rebellious stage. I am dwarfed in that aspect. Share your thoughts below. Does hair consume you?