Object of my Forgiveness

Freaky Friday: What is the wildest act your cheating mate performed to prove his/her undying love for you? Can a relationship survive infidelity? After a partner cheats, can the love survive the broken bond between the two of you?

You are with your man and you have had found out he cheated on you. You are hurt as well overwhelmed by the pain heartbreak brings. Questions burst out of you like a damn that has reached it’s breaking point. Naively you question the fact wondering if you were good enough for him instead of understanding the fact he just proved himself unworthy by committing this heinous act.

 How do you move past this?

 These feelings seem to envelope your heart and seal it shut.

Can your love for him remain the same?

As your heart began to harden and trust goes out the window can forgiveness be found before your heart is immersed in concrete. Anger about the fact often breeds insecurity.

I had a former love cheat on me and I thought I could forgive him. I tried to look at the act as water flowing under a newly built bridge. Yet thoughts of her and him raced through my mind everyday. It got to a point where I was so riddled with hate and contempt for the both of them I went to her job to confront her. I had no idea what I was going to say because in all actuality I did not want to say anything. All I knew was I was hurting and I want someone else to feel my pain preferably someone who inflicted it upon me. I got there and her and I were face to face and she could not even look at me. I want to say so much but the words could not form at my speechless lips.

There she was the woman who for so long had no face merely she was simply a name which ignited anger in me. What did she have that I did not? Why wasn’t I enough for him?

As I write this I want to let you know that it took me years to move past what happened. For a long time I would see her and just wanted her to look me in the eyes and explain how she could sleep with the man she knew was mine. I wanted to know why she thought her needs were more important than mine? Why did he care for her more than me?

I will be honest it took a lot of years and tears for me to move past what happened between them. Seeing them together after our breakup stung deep like a knife wound to my heart.

Forgiveness was a hard lesson to learn. I had to accept that there was nothing I could have done to prevent him from cheating. Also, I had to accept that I am worthy of unconditional, pure love. I forgave him because my heart was hemorrhaging from all the hurt his selfishness caused. I tried to hold onto to the good our relationship had produced. The truth was our time had passed and we were holding onto a memory that had since faded.

You can forgive but you can never forget. Even when I write this piece the pain I felt the day I found out he was cheating still seems so raw as if it happened yesterday. That is why although I have forgiven him I have decided that I cannot allow him back into my heart. No amount of tears or kisses can make his indiscretion dissipate from my memory. As much as I want what we once had I have to be realistic and keep things in perspective for me. For me this act what far too great and cost me way too much. I refuse to let my guard down again for him.

Cheating makes trust a hard thing to give to someone. You cannot blame every man for the foolishness of one. To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.

Dance Fever

Ladies why do you dress sexy in the club only to come there and stand on the wall?

You barely notice the sexy men in the room because your nose is up in the air. Men have you ever been in the club and noticed a sexy lady in the club and you ask her to dance and she declines your request. Later you observe her again and she is still standing there grinding on the wall or one of her girls.

Ladies men appreciate seeing you all dolled up and want to approach you. Remember men are stimulated visually and in awe of how beautiful you look on any given club night. In their minds they do not see the logic in getting dressed up just to sit alone all night. They feel you might as well have stayed home.

Anti-social behavior is not cute in the club. Then some of you have the nerve to be upset that no one approached you. Shutting men down when they approach is a surefire way to get you on the she is dancing alone list for the night. Not to mention the mean scowls you have on your face in the club no one wants to talk to a woman that looks pissed off. He does not want to further piss you off. Keep a smile on your face and an open mind when enter the club.

One would like to believe you are there to enjoy yourself. Do not distract yourself about sweating out your weave that is what ponytail holders are for. You go to a club to dance and socialize. Let your hair down a little. Wind up your waist and drop it low and get your party on. Good times are ahead of you at the club. I am not guaranteeing you are going to find love in the club but at least go out to have a good time.