No Kids Allowed….

 

Would you date someone who refused to accept your child? Would this be a deal breaker? Some people want to love you but are not willing to accept the package that comes along with you. Now I will admit before I became a Mom I refused to date a man with a child. I did not want to deal with any baby mama drama. Despite the fact I loved kids I knew that was something I did not want to deal with. I met someone who was a great man and I could have loved and accepted his situation with his child years later this choice would come back to haunt me.

 

It is present day and I am a mother of a 10 year old. Single and looking for a companion. I am looking for that intelligent, ambitious, confident, suitor. Up until a few weeks ago I thought I found him, we will change his name for the sake of the story. Omar was just the kind of guy I liked in my ideal mate in fact. We shared so many common interests and our chemistry was undeniable. Everything clicked when we put our expectations and intent on the table is when trouble surfaced in paradise. It seems he did not mind befriending a single mom he just was adamant about the fact he would not get serious about her. He did not want a ready-made family.  It seemed from his observation I was a great girl but my daughter was a deal breaker for him. Crushed does not begin to describe how I felt at that moment. I was speechless I had like him from afar for so long and part of me knew it would never be but it never occurred to me that he would never be able to accept the more pertinent person in my life.

 

For some this would have been the beginning of the end.  You can never change someone who does not want to change. Yet he reassured me that I should stay and with the hope that maybe his position would change, like a fool I remained with him. Cuddling and sexing him night after night. Misconstruing the mornings when he would want me to stay longer as him saying baby I want you. Naively, I convinced myself his long embrace meant something so much deeper. I understood it to me he wanted me no matter what and he would come around. He even took me on a date despite our arrangement, with no provocation from me. He definitely seemed genuinely interested in me he was coming around. Yet I was still struggling with the fact he did not want a serious relationship with me because I was a Mom.

 

One day against my better judgment I asked him out on a date, he refused to go citing he had a single mindset. So it was ok for us to have sex but that was the extent of it. It was like a slap in the face I blew a gasket. To be honest I was mostly mad at myself not Omar. I was a fool for ever thinking he would come around. Men are great at saying exactly what they mean and women have a great way of manipulating their words to mean something that better suit our needs. When a man tells you something believe him and his actions. I made it so convenient for Omar giving him something he can feel for the moment without him having to give me anything more.

I am not writing this expecting any sympathy for it was my naiveté that got me in this mess. I am a grown woman who knows full well what this situation was. The person I feel for is my daughter I was wasting time with him that could have be better spent with her. All because I wanted to be held and caressed. It was not even about the sex it was just that constant need to belong to someone.

 

I guess you could say I was being desperate. I was so willing to accept a man in any form. Willing to compromise my values and standards just to say I belong to someone. A sad state of affairs I was willing to sell my soul to the one who gives me the most attention. What kind of example am I setting for my daughter? I tell her I would never put a man before her yet with Omar that is exactly what I did. Thankfully, I have learned from my wayward ways when a man tells me something I will listen to his words and actions meticulously.

 

Is a man not accepting your child a deal breaker? Or, have you compromised your standards selfishly for a temporary fulfillment? Share your thoughts below.

Advertisements

Rebel without a second date!

Battle of the Sexes: Who breaks the most rules on a first date men or women? Both sexes are guilty as charged to commiting dating deal-breakers. I have compiled a list of dating dos and donts. I will start with the donts first. Here is what not to do:

1. Texting is not allowed. Allow your fingers to interwine put the phone on silent and concentrate on your date.

2. No ex or sex talk. Exes are not allowed on first dates. Don’t bring them up. No inappropriate suggestions i.e., sex talk it takes some time to connect so don’t sex each other up physically or verbally.

3. No drinking while dating allowed it’s the law. So no sipping while getting to know one another vision is not the only thing that gets blurry. The boundary lines that you value may get crossed and you will regret it.

4. Don’t arrive late! There is nothing cute about keeping your date wondering when or if you are going to show up.

5. Don’t get too personal! That is why rule number three is a definite no-no. You don’t want to terrify your date out of the idea of a second date.

Now that we have established the universal code of what not to do let’s formulate what should be done. Here are the dos:

1. Wear sexy underwear. Not for sex silly this will boost your ego making you more confident and less nervous on your first date.

2. Always carry cash. Expect the unexpected.

3. Positive thinking, positive attitude.

4. Do expect the unexpected, i.e., the non-traditional date a home-cooked meal, bowling, or picnic in the park.

5. Let the cards fall as they may. Que sera, sera whatever will be, will be.

First dates can be nerve-wrecking and you may break some rules but try to follow the code if you want a second chance to make a first impression. If you want a second date then you have to play by the rules. Now I want to speak to the ladies no matter what your body tells you please do not sleep with him on the first date. Don’t fall for the put up or shut up routine. If he cannot wait leave him on the curb somewhere. At the risk of revisiting an old cliche’ you are worth the wait.

Now men quit texting while dating. How rude! That is very annoying and makes us wonder if you are interested in us at all. Furthermore, it makes us feel you should not be here with us you should be with whomever you are texting, Facebook chatting with, BBM chat, Skyping, all of that. If you don’t have any interest take your sorry butt home. I am sure she is sorry she accepted your request for a date.

If it seems off don’t do it. I am not suggesting you fake the funk but be true to the game and follow the rules. Now if you are not interested then I guess you will be the rebel without a second date. Have you ever been on a first date with someone who broke all the rules so many of them that they are not even on this list? Tell me all about your first date dealbreakers below.